People are responsible for their happiness. Others feel happiness depends on other factors in their life. Discuss both views and give your opinion?
The achievement of
happiness
can be viewed in different ways. The most common are gaining it on your own or believing, that something or someone else can make you genuinely happy.
No doubt, people are responsible for their own happiness
. It can be expressed in choosing the right job or study, that brings them joy. Also
, in hobby
or physical workout, even in buying the thing, that they always dream of. The list is endless, but the point is, that society can be delighted by doing these little things by themselves.
On Add an article
a hobby
the hobby
other
hand, there Correct article usage
the other
are
Change the verb form
is
huge
number of pupils, who think Change the article
a huge
the huge
otherwise
. They need something to be cheerful. Sometimes it is a person, at other time
it can be Fix the agreement mistake
times
a
stuff. Remove the article
apply
This
means, that their happiness
depends on external factors, such
as a
status, money, appearance or relationships, Correct article usage
apply
this
Correct pronoun usage
these
is
the ones, which are mostly out of people's control. Correct subject-verb agreement
are
For instance
, celebrities have a bigger income from their careers, than usual human does, and it can upset us, but we shouldn't forget about mental health, which superstars gave up for the
fame and money.
Correct article usage
apply
This
leads us to the topic of mental health issues. This
thing is Correct pronoun usage
one on
on
the most important parts, that can keep our peace and Change preposition
of
happiness
alive. Nowadays, the increasing number of cases of anxiety or depression seriously affects mankind's lives. It cases
crucial problems for building a normal life, career or relationships. The solution Correct your spelling
causes
lays
in regular visits to a psychologist and overcoming childhood trauma. In my opinion, even if Replace the word
lies
person
doesn't have any visible symptoms, still everyone should Add an article
a person
the person
take
an appointment Correct your spelling
make
to
Change preposition
with
the
specialist, it may prevent many major problems in the future.
In the end, I would say thatCorrect article usage
a
,
both of the thoughts described in the essay are true, but from my perspective, the people are fully responsible for their own Remove the comma
apply
happiness
.Submitted by sofiaavramenko0906 on
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Task Response
To improve task response, make sure your essay directly addresses all parts of the task. Your response should discuss both views and your own opinion more explicitly, ensuring that each view is given equal consideration and clearly stating your own stance in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, strive to organize your essay more effectively. Use clear paragraphs for each new idea, and try to use a variety of transition words to link your ideas together more smoothly. Additionally, revising your essay for grammatical correctness and clarity can significantly enhance readability and the logical flow of arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.