The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full time or part time Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

#men #women #education #britain #three #periods #time #part #summarise #information #features #comparisons

The bar chart compares

education

pursued by men and women in Britain

Change preposition

for

show examples

three academic years including

informations

Change the wording

information

pieces of information

show examples

regarding

full

Add a hyphen

full-time

show examples

time

and

part

Add a hyphen

part-time

show examples

time

courses.

Overall

as presented in the diagram, the number of men in

further

studies

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

some fluctuations

whereas

there is a gradual increase in women’s

education

. Now turning into the detail, almost a million male

students

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

enrolled in higher

education

in the period of 1970-71 which

has

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

dropped to merely 8.5

lakhs

students

in 1980-81 and again purged by approximately 50 thousand

students

in 1990-91 as

full

Add a hyphen

full-time

show examples

time

course.

According to

part

Add a hyphen

part-time

show examples

time

education

, there is

slight

Add an article

a slight

show examples

increase in all

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

three periods. It is interesting to see

rise

Add an article

a rise

show examples

in women’s

further

education

where there is no decline in both

part

Add a hyphen

part-time

show examples

time

and

full

Add a hyphen

full-time

show examples

time

studies compared to men. Here the number of

students

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

clined

Correct your spelling

cleaned

from roughly 7

lakhs

and 1 lakh in 1970-71 to 11

lakhs

and 2.5

lakhs

in the period of 1990-91 in full

time

and

part

Add a hyphen

part-time

show examples

time

respectively.

Submitted by insighttribez on Tue Feb 20 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words education, time, part, students, lakhs with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.

▼

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

168 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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