IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The total oil consumption of four major consumers from 2009 to 2030

#oil #consumption #four #consumers
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A glance at a line graph provided reveals the amount of
oil
Use synonyms
 consumed divided into four various categories namely USA, China, Western Europe & Japan and
Middle
Correct article usage
the Middle
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 East, measured in
million
Correct your spelling
millions
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 of barrels per day, between 2009 and 2030.
Overall
Linking Words
, a progressive growth pattern was recorded and is predicted in both the
oil
Use synonyms
 consumption of China and
Middle
Correct article usage
the Middle
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 East except for those of
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 and Western Europe &
Japan
Correct word choice
and Japan
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 which have witnessed a recessive growth pattern. In terms of the USA’s
oil
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 consumption, it is always the highest category compared to any other. Increasing from precisely 9 to 10 which was its peak between 2009 and 2015, that data declined dramatically to merely 8 till 2024 before being predicted to a slight decrease to under 8 in 2030. With regard to the amount of
oil
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 consumed
Change preposition
by
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of
Change preposition
by
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 China and the Middle East , despite having a homogeneous initial point, they had
Fix the agreement mistake
distinctions
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distinction
Fix the agreement mistake
distinctions
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 in the levels of growth. To be specific, the former experienced a
2 - fold
Correct your spelling
2-fold
 increase from 2 to 4 in the first
15 - year
Correct your spelling
15-year
 period of time, which
then
Linking Words
 will observe a marginal dwindling to over 3 from 2025 to 2030. The latter climbed consistently from 2 to 3 between 2009 and 2030. With respect to the
oil
Use synonyms
 consumption of Western Europe & Japan, it went down from 4 to correctly 2 which experienced a
2 - fold
Correct your spelling
2-fold
 decrease between 2009 and 2030.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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task achievement
Introduce a clearer and more comprehensive introduction that explicitly states the overall trend and the main comparisons between the nations' oil consumptions.
task achievement
Ensure to include a clear conclusion that summarizes the main trends and data comparisons, reinforcing the overall understanding of the graph.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of the essay by using transition words and phrases more effectively between paragraphs and within paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of sentence structures and appropriate vocabulary specific to describing trends and data to make the text more engaging and precise.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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