IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people are born to be leaders, while others believe leadership can be learnt. Discuss both views and give opinion.

#people #leaders #leadership #learnt
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Nowadays, various
argument
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arguments
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 regarding
to
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apply
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individuals have become a
leader
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. Some
people
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 believe that the
leadership
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skill
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 can be developed by
learnt
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learning
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 from other
people
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.
By contrast
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, some other
people
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 argue that
the
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apply
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leadership
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Use synonyms
skill
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skills
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 cannot be developed because they are born to be leaders.
This
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 essay will explain both views before demonstrating my argument. First and foremost, supporting
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apply
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of
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apply
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the views that the
leader
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 can be created by another
leader
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 which the connection of society can
support
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 to develop their
skill
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such
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 as speaking and socializing.
Furthermore
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,
organization
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organizations
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 and technology which have created accessibility are more effective
to learn
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for learning
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leadership
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 skills from
internet
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the internet
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 or brainstorming with another
leader
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.
For instance
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, Organizations at
University
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Universities
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 have
potential
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the potential
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 to create new
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leader
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leaders
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 because they have an abundance
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of event
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event
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events
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 to
support
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 and improve member
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skill
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skills
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such
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 as speaking in front of an audience and leading a project with other communities.
On the other hand
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, some other inhabitants believe that the
leader
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 has a
leadership
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 ability since their born. In my opinion,
leadership
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 skills cannot grow when the
environment
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 is not supported
such
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 as limiting mentoring their
skill
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 and discussing with other
people
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.
As a result
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,
leadership
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skill
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 is stuck in the position and potential
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leader
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leaders
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 can not
to
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apply
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be a
leader
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.
For example
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, Students at senior high
school
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schools
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 have a huge potential to be
a
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apply
show examples
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leader
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leaders
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 because the
environment
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 should
be supporting
Wrong verb form
support
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 their abilities to be
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leader
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leaders
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 but in fact, amenities in some schools not supported to create a comfortable
environment
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 because it
is not
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is not supported
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support
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 by regulations and, they have not funded to create a
leadership
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 course
such
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 as mentoring and speaking class. In conclusion,
leadership
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 skills
created
Add a missing verb
are created
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 by
other
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another leader
other leaders
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leader
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which
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apply
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can be developed
by
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in
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 some ways
such
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 as
mentoring
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through mentoring
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 and
course
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courses
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 and
support
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 by their
environment
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.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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introduction conclusion
Your essay introduces a clear stance on the topic, which is good. Make sure your introduction and conclusion are more direct and succinct, summarizing the main points and your opinion clearly.
logical structure
Try to logically organize your paragraphs around a single main idea. Use linking words and cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, for example, on the other hand) more effectively to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
complete response
Your essay provides a balanced view on the topic, which is essential for Task Achievement. Refine your argument by directly addressing the prompt and ensuring each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument. This can improve clarity and coherence.
relevant specific examples
Your examples are relevant but need more development. Provide specific, detailed examples to support your points. This will make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
clear comprehensive ideas
While your ideas are generally clear, you could enhance their comprehensibility by using simpler, more precise language. Avoid complex sentence structures that may lead to confusion or grammatical errors.
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