IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people are born to be leaders, while others believe leadership can be learnt. Discuss both views and give opinion.

#people #leaders #leadership #learnt
Nowadays, various
argument
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arguments
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 regarding
to
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apply
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individuals have become a
leader
. Some
people
 believe that the
leadership
skill
 can be developed by
learnt
Change the form of the verb
learning
show examples
 from other
people
.
By contrast
, some other
people
 argue that
the
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apply
show examples
leadership
skill
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skills
show examples
 cannot be developed because they are born to be leaders.
This
 essay will explain both views before demonstrating my argument. First and foremost, supporting
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apply
show examples
of
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apply
show examples
the views that the
leader
 can be created by another
leader
 which the connection of society can
support
 to develop their
skill
such
 as speaking and socializing.
Furthermore
,
organization
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organizations
show examples
 and technology which have created accessibility are more effective
to learn
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for learning
show examples
leadership
 skills from
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 or brainstorming with another
leader
.
For instance
, Organizations at
University
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Universities
show examples
 have
potential
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the potential
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 to create new
leader
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leaders
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 because they have an abundance
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of event
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event
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events
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 to
support
 and improve member
skill
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skills
show examples
such
 as speaking in front of an audience and leading a project with other communities.
On the other hand
, some other inhabitants believe that the
leader
 has a
leadership
 ability since their born. In my opinion,
leadership
 skills cannot grow when the
environment
 is not supported
such
 as limiting mentoring their
skill
 and discussing with other
people
.
As a result
,
leadership
skill
 is stuck in the position and potential
leader
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leaders
show examples
 can not
to
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apply
show examples
be a
leader
.
For example
, Students at senior high
school
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schools
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 have a huge potential to be
a
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apply
show examples
leader
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leaders
show examples
 because the
environment
 should
be supporting
Wrong verb form
support
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 their abilities to be
leader
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leaders
show examples
 but in fact, amenities in some schools not supported to create a comfortable
environment
 because it
is not
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is not supported
show examples
support
 by regulations and, they have not funded to create a
leadership
 course
such
 as mentoring and speaking class. In conclusion,
leadership
 skills
created
Add a missing verb
are created
show examples
 by
other
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another leader
other leaders
show examples
leader
which
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apply
show examples
can be developed
by
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in
show examples
 some ways
such
 as
mentoring
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through mentoring
show examples
 and
course
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courses
show examples
 and
support
 by their
environment
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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introduction conclusion
Your essay introduces a clear stance on the topic, which is good. Make sure your introduction and conclusion are more direct and succinct, summarizing the main points and your opinion clearly.
logical structure
Try to logically organize your paragraphs around a single main idea. Use linking words and cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, for example, on the other hand) more effectively to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
complete response
Your essay provides a balanced view on the topic, which is essential for Task Achievement. Refine your argument by directly addressing the prompt and ensuring each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument. This can improve clarity and coherence.
relevant specific examples
Your examples are relevant but need more development. Provide specific, detailed examples to support your points. This will make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
clear comprehensive ideas
While your ideas are generally clear, you could enhance their comprehensibility by using simpler, more precise language. Avoid complex sentence structures that may lead to confusion or grammatical errors.

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