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Given high unemployment rate, it is recommended that the government only provide primary education and no secondary education. What do you think?

#unemployment #rate #government #education
Nowadays, developing countries
facing
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
 a problem with a large jobless rate. I believe that when countries which have high unemployment rates do not provide the first
education
. Personally, I disagree with
this
 argument, and in
this
 essay, I will explain the suggestion from the government to serve primary
education
 and no secondary
education
. First and foremost, the highest unemployment rates are because some communities can not improve their cognitive skill since they were a child.
Conversely
, the
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 of employers cannot be enough to cover their responsibilities.
For instance
, employers in technology companies should understand programming language to create new programs but in fact, some staff have
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 ability to tackle
this
 problem because they have no experience in primary school. So, they should learn from other courses
such
 as programming class and speaking class.
Furthermore
, I would like to explain my argument for why the government should provide secondary
education
 in senior high schools or universities. I believe that communities who get more knowledge about cognitive
skills
 like languages are more easily to find a job.
For example
, some schools in Indonesia have programs to create student’s cognitive
such
 as speaking, dancing, and programming.
Moreover
, students from their schools are faster to get jobs because they have an abundance
skills
Change preposition
of skills
show examples
 like problem-solving
skills
 to tackle problems in some companies. In conclusion, personally, I believe the government can support secondary
education
 because it can support cognitive
skills
such
 as speaking, problem-solving, and programming to support them when they apply for jobs.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, helping to introduce the main idea you will discuss. Ensure each paragraph has a single focus.
coherence cohesion
You should aim to use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, however, therefore) to create a more sophisticated text structure, leading to a more logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
In order to fully address the question, consider covering both sides of the argument more comprehensively. You may also clearly state your position in the introduction for a stronger setup.
task achievement
Make sure your essay includes more specific examples to support your arguments. This strengthens your essay by providing evidence for your points.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and vocabulary range. Avoid repetitive language and try to use a variety of sentence structures to make your writing more engaging and to better demonstrate your English language proficiency.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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