Given high unemployment rate, it is recommended that the government only provide primary education and no secondary education. What do you think?
Nowadays, developing countries
facing
a problem with a large jobless rate. I believe that when countries which have high unemployment rates do not provide the first Wrong verb form
face
education
. Personally, I disagree with this
argument, and in this
essay, I will explain the suggestion from the government to serve primary education
and no secondary education
.
First and foremost, the highest unemployment rates are because some communities can not improve their cognitive skill since they were a child. Conversely
, the skill
of employers cannot be enough to cover their responsibilities. Fix the agreement mistake
skills
For instance
, employers in technology companies should understand programming language to create new programs but in fact, some staff have not
ability to tackle Correct your spelling
no
this
problem because they have no experience in primary school. So, they should learn from other courses such
as programming class and speaking class.
Furthermore
, I would like to explain my argument for why the government should provide secondary education
in senior high schools or universities. I believe that communities who get more knowledge about cognitive skills
like languages are more easily to find a job. For example
, some schools in Indonesia have programs to create student’s cognitive such
as speaking, dancing, and programming. Moreover
, students from their schools are faster to get jobs because they have an abundance skills
like problem-solving Change preposition
of skills
skills
to tackle problems in some companies.
In conclusion, personally, I believe the government can support secondary education
because it can support cognitive skills
such
as speaking, problem-solving, and programming to support them when they apply for jobs.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, helping to introduce the main idea you will discuss. Ensure each paragraph has a single focus.
coherence cohesion
You should aim to use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, however, therefore) to create a more sophisticated text structure, leading to a more logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
In order to fully address the question, consider covering both sides of the argument more comprehensively. You may also clearly state your position in the introduction for a stronger setup.
task achievement
Make sure your essay includes more specific examples to support your arguments. This strengthens your essay by providing evidence for your points.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and vocabulary range. Avoid repetitive language and try to use a variety of sentence structures to make your writing more engaging and to better demonstrate your English language proficiency.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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