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Band 3.5

Each year Increasing numbers of students are deciding to move to a different country for higher education. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development ?

#year #numbers #students #move #country #education #development
Lately
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Lately,
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 there have been foreign cultures that often enter
Indonesia
. Some people think that foreign cultures that enter
Indonesia
 have a negative influence on
society
. In my opinion, foreign
culture
 that enters
Indonesia
also
 has a positive impact on
society
, First of all exposure to foreign
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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 can increase the level
our
Change preposition
of our
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 critical thinking We should be able to be more critical and
also
 careful about some new things that come from outside
as well as
 find ways to filter whether these things can have a positive or negative impact on our lives and ourselves.
Secondly
, studying foreign cultures can certainly add to our knowledge and experience. Starting from language, and traditional clothing, to the habits of people from other regions.
Lastly
, modern thinking can start with having an opinion. In
Indonesia
, expressing one’s opinion is still often considered
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
show examples
.
Therefore
, introducing
a
Remove the article
apply
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freedom of expression in
Indonesia
 can make people more inclined to express their opinions.
Therefore
 foreign
culture
 that enters
Indonesia
 will not always hurt
society
, with a foreign
culture
 that enters
Indonesia
 it can make us think more critically, improve cultural and international knowledge and
finally
 the mindset of
society
 becomes more advanced to support modernism.
Submitted by syaaakhansa on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the introduction more clearly outlines the essay's stance and main points, helping to guide the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop paragraphs with a clear topic sentence, followed by explanations, examples, and a concluding sentence to enhance logical structure and flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the essay's cohesion and make transitions between ideas smoother.
Task Achievement
Address the essay prompt more directly in the introduction and conclusion, making sure your position is clear from the beginning.
Task Achievement
Expand on examples and evidence to support your main points. This strengthens the argument and shows a deeper understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Make sure to directly address the question asked, ensuring that your essay remains focused on the topic of foreign cultures entering Indonesia and its impact.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • personal development
  • exposure
  • global perspective
  • higher quality education
  • specialized programs
  • research facilities
  • enriching
  • career prospects
  • international experience
  • cross-cultural competencies
  • competitive job market
  • culture shock
  • isolation
  • mental health
  • academic performance
  • brain drain
  • educated workforce
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