IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

some people think that men and women have different qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and oters for women. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

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With the development of the world, there many new
jobs
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 appear, it is believed that
males
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 and
females
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 have some specific qualities,
thus
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 some
jobs
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 are just fit for
males
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, and some fit for
females
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.
This
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 author agrees that some
jobs
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 are suitable for
men
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, and some suit for female. It is a fact that
males
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 have some different qualities compared to
females
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,
for instance
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, usually,
males
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 are physically much stronger than
females
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, and
men
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's muscles are developed better than
women
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's.
Therefore
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, some
jobs
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 use strength, durability,
as well as
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 right
brain
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.
Men
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 develop the right
brain
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 more which helps them in logical thinking, solving and inventing. Taking all into account,
men
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 are suitable for some
jobs
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such
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 as construction workers, lumber, scientists, and so on. Moving onto
women
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, their strength, durability and right
brain
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 are naturally not as good as
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men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
.
However
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, their left
brain
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 is developed a lot which helps them imagine, and create, something related to art.
Therefore
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, many
jobs
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 are suitable for
women
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 like artists, and content creators, ... In conclusion,
men
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 are suitable for certain
jobs
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 which use strength,
logical
Correct word choice
and logical
show examples
 thinking,
as well as
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women
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suit
Verb problem
are
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 for some
jobs
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 about fashion, design, art....
However
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, with practice, and interest, people can do any job they want no matter about gender.

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task achievement
To improve your score, aim to provide a more in-depth analysis of your main points. Rather than stating that men are physically stronger and thus suited to certain jobs, delve into how societal changes and advancements in technology might impact these traditional views. Additionally, including more diverse and contemporary examples could further strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Working on the logical flow of your essay can significantly enhance its coherence. Try to make your introduction more engaging by presenting a clear thesis statement that reflects your stance on the issue. Additionally, ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence to guide the reader through your argument. Linking words and phrases can help create a smoother transition between ideas.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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