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Band 3

Some people think that men and women have different qualities,there fore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women.To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#people #men #women #qualities #fore #jobs
Each person will have a different quality,so there will be
jobs
 that are more suitable for
men
 and there will
also
 be
jobs
 that are more suitable for
women
.
Persomally
Correct your spelling
Personally
,I
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
don't
 agree with
this
 point of view>
This
 essay will discuss my view specific
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 and examples. Every individual can follow their dream
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
,irrespective of gender.Nowadays,in modern society,
both
men
 and
women
 can learn with similar education and opportunities to develop.
Moreover
,many places rely on certification and the ability to find
employees.No
Correct your spelling
employees
 quality and discrimination are a barrier that limits each person’s development. Nowadays,the development of machines will reduce the advantages of
men
’s health,and heavy work suitable for
men
 will disappear .And those
jobs
 will be done by machines a
robot
Fix the agreement mistake
robots
show examples
 in the near future.
Jobs
 suitable for
men
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
will decrease and be replaced by
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
both
Change preposition
for both
show examples
 genders
such
 as programming or tour guide
jobs
. Of course,there will be some people who will have the opposite opinion.
Foe
Correct your spelling
For
show examples
 example,in
jobs
require
Correct pronoun usage
that require
show examples
 physical strength,
women
 will not be able to keep
to
Change preposition
up
show examples
 with
men
,and in
jobs
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 require care and patience,
women
 will have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advantages
Correct the article-noun agreement
advantage
show examples
 because most
men
ted
Correct your spelling
tend
show examples
 to be angry.
This
 view may
correct
Add a missing verb
be correct
show examples
,but many studies now show that when
both
 genders work
togethere
Correct your spelling
together
,it creates a more inclusive and diverse environment.Because
both
 ends have different
strengthand
Correct your spelling
strength and
weakness
Fix the agreement mistake
weaknesses
show examples
,they can
suppot
Correct your spelling
support
 each other to develop and improve. In conclusion,it is necessary to think differently about
men
 and
women
 in the workplace because individuals have the right to freedom and education to pursue their career
dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay structure needs improvement. Consider starting with a more defined introduction that clearly states your viewpoint. Follow this with body paragraphs that each introduce a single point in support of your argument. Conclude by summarizing your points and restating your stance in a clear, concise manner.
task achievement
Develop your points with more detailed explanations and specific examples. You've mentioned ideas such as the impact of machinery on job suitability and the benefit of teamwork across genders but did not explore these with depth or provide concrete examples.
general
Watch for spelling and grammar errors, which can detract from your overall message. Phrases like 'Persomally' and 'No quality and discrimination,' are confusing. Use spell check and read your essay aloud to catch errors.
coherence cohesion
Improving your coherence and cohesion can be achieved by linking your ideas more clearly. Use transition phrases between sentences and paragraphs. This will guide the reader through your argument in a more fluid manner.
task achievement
Ensure you fully address the prompt given. While you express disagreement with traditional gender roles in the workplace, elaborating more on why and how both genders can equally excel in all professions will make your response more complete.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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