IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that men and women have different qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extent do you agree pr disagree?

#people #men #women #qualities #jobs #pr
It is widely said that different gentles will have
the
Correct article usage
apply
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difference
Replace the word
different
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 qualities, so there are certain careers suitable for each gentles.
This
 writer totally disagrees with
statement
Add an article
the statement
a statement
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 and will explain why in the essay below. First of all, the
e quality
Correct your spelling
equality
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 between
men
 and
women
 nowadays is definitely set around the world so
women
 can go to work and do whatever they can
for instance
, in the past,
women
was
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were
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 forced to go to work, they just could at home and did the housework.
However
, thanks to the development of society,
this
standardis
Correct your spelling
standard is
 being erased in modern life.
Moreover
, as we can
seen
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see
show examples
 that there is. A wide range of the number of successful businesswomen
such
 as Ms Nguyen Phuong Hang,
Ms
Correct word choice
and Ms
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 Nguyen Thi Binh-
they
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apply
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are both one of
the
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apply
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famous people in
Viet Nam
Correct your spelling
Vietnam
show examples
. Another point to consider is each people have opportunities to do, whatever, they want so society cannot
divite
Correct your spelling
divide
 what jobs are certainly just for
men
 and
women
Correct pronoun usage
what women
show examples
 cannot do. In Viet Nam,
for example
, Ms Nguyen Phuong Hang-
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
successful
business woman
Correct your spelling
businesswoman
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 in a lot of
field
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fields
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 and now
she
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apply
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has
owned
Verb problem
apply
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a huge amount of
fortunate
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apply
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while
 some
men
 cannot be like her. or
the
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apply
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basic jobs
such
 as
cleaner
Replace the word
cleaning
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,
men
 can
also
 do
too
Rephrase
apply
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and maybe
men
 can do better than
women
. Selecting a job depends on both
hobby
Correct article usage
the hobby
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 and the ability of a person. In
condusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
confusion
, there are a lot of careers in each
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
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, choose a job depends on the qualities each
humans
Change to a singular noun
human
show examples
 have and
also
 that jobs are their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
.
Therefore
, people usually
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
 that
it
Correct your spelling
if
show examples
men
 can do it,
women
 can too.

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coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing your ideas more clearly. An essay should have a clear introduction, developed body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Use paragraphing effectively to separate different ideas.
coherence cohesion
Work on your essay's logical flow. Link sentences and paragraphs coherently using a variety of linking words (e.g., furthermore, however, therefore). This makes your argument stronger and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and succinct. The introduction should clearly state your position on the topic, and the conclusion should summarize your main points without introducing new information.
task achievement
Fully address the essay prompt by ensuring you respond to all aspects of the task. Make your position clear and explain your reasoning with relevant examples or explanations.
task achievement
Make sure your ideas are comprehensive and developed. Each body paragraph should focus on one main idea, supported with reasons or examples. This strengthens your argument and helps the reader grasp your point of view.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your arguments. Referencing real-life cases, statistics, or facts makes your essay more persuasive and credible. However, ensure these examples are directly relevant to the topic and clearly support your viewpoint.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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