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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development?

#countries #sports #facilities #train #athletes #development
In many
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
 of
Countries
, Sports are become an identity of some
countries
. So
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
 become
priority
Add an article
a priority
show examples
. One side
focus
Change the verb form
focuses
show examples
to developt
Change preposition
on developing
show examples
 top athletes , and
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 side
giving
Wrong verb form
gives
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 chance to
all
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 public. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 focusing on development
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
talent
 and
passion
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 it is more promising. Most
Countries
 with
exellent
Correct your spelling
excellent
 histories of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 achievements like England ,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and China have had
worldclass
Correct your spelling
world-class
world class
Sport
Change the noun form
Sports
show examples
 Centers with
top quality
Add a hyphen
top-quality
show examples
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 and international
standart
Correct your spelling
standards
. The most obvious benefit is
this
Change the determiner
this facility
these facilities
show examples
facilities
 will give top athletes more chances to become
worldclass
Correct your spelling
world-class
world class
Athlete
Fix the agreement mistake
Athletes
show examples
 at the same time they
no
Verb problem
do not
show examples
 need to worry about
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
while
focus
Change the verb form
focusing
show examples
 on
talent
 development.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
 that, they will feel
satisfy
Change the form of the verb
satisfied
show examples
 because their
passion
 has been
support
Change the verb form
supporting
supported
show examples
 by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
. A third point is
more good
Correct word choice
that better
show examples
 a country
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 build their
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
 will make
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 reputation higher
also
.
For Example
 , In
China
Add a comma
China,
show examples
 many
chilldren
Correct your spelling
children
 start from elementary school
whose
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 have good
talent
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 certain
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 will be given early education and practical
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 experiences
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
Sport
Correct your spelling
sports centre
show examples
Center
Facilities
.
On the other hand
, several
countries
 still
argues
Change the verb form
argue
show examples
 that
sport
 is not only the way to live and there are many other
sector
Change to a plural noun
sectors
show examples
 that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 must
more
Add a missing verb
be more
show examples
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 to be developed.
However
, some schools
are still provide
Change the verb form
still provide
show examples
 basic
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 to keep the student
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 doing some physical activities. There is
also
point
Add an article
a point
the point
show examples
 of view that not every person has
talent
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
sport
 like
idiom
Correct article usage
the idiom
show examples
 'Don't judge a fish on how it
climb
Change the verb form
climbs
show examples
".
Nevertheless
Add a comma
Nevertheless,
show examples
 some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the school
show examples
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 still
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 some tournaments of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 support
passion
Correct article usage
the passion
show examples
 of students. Training
Center
Fix the agreement mistake
Centers
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 sports
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 very
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
, especially
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 have
talent
 and
passion
. I believe
Sport
Change the noun form
Sports
show examples
Center
 that government provide, will be able to increase
Correct article usage
the propability
show examples
propability
Correct your spelling
probability
profitability
Change preposition
of atheletes
show examples
atheletes
Correct your spelling
athletes
to win
Change the verb form
winning
show examples
 some major
thropies
Correct your spelling
trophies
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Consider reviewing some grammatical structures and vocabulary to enhance clarity and reduce errors, such as 'In many part of Countries' which could be 'In many parts of the world.' This will enhance coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
For task achievement, make sure to expand on your reasons and elaborations to ensure the reader fully understands your viewpoint. This will improve clarity and coverage.
task achievement
It could be beneficial to provide more examples of countries that offer community sports facilities to balance the argument. This will ensure a more comprehensive response to the task.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, supporting the idea of specialized training facilities for top athletes.
coherence cohesion
Good use of examples, such as China's approach to sporting excellence, which adds credibility to the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with distinct paragraphs addressing different points of view.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • specialised facilities
  • train top athletes
  • international sports
  • boost
  • reputation
  • attract
  • sporting events
  • access
  • general public
  • inequality
  • opportunities
  • overemphasis
  • elite sports
  • neglect
  • grassroots development
What to do next:
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