IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people says that instead of preventing climate changes we should find with it. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #climate #changes
Nowadays, a lot of people
work
 longer
hours
 and
leaving
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
 little time for leisure activities. Hard
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 gives opportunity to
growth
Correct your spelling
grow your
show examples
carrier
Correct your spelling
career
show examples
, earn more money and self-realization. From my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
 the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Firstly
, there are provided
comfortable
Add an article
a comfortable
show examples
 environment for
work
 currently.
In
Change preposition
For
show examples
 example,
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
 offices provided by kitchen, gym, gaming room, massage room etc. During
work
Add a comma
work,
show examples
 it can be
opportunity
Add an article
an opportunity
the opportunity
show examples
 to spend some time
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 another activity to earn some energy.
Also
, it is
pleasure
Correct article usage
a pleasure
show examples
 to
work
 with
team
Add an article
the team
a team
show examples
 in
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 atmosphere for one purpose.
Secondly
, many people want to achieve success.
This
 idea makes hard
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 interesting. There are a lot of histories about founders
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
work
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
 longer
hours
 and became
Replace the word
successful
show examples
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
.
For example
, Elon Musk and Paypal. Paypal
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 result of good
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
 and hard
work
. After the project
implementation
Add a comma
implementation,
show examples
 Elon Musk got a lot of resources for different
him
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
ideas.
To sum
up
Add a comma
up,
show examples
 peoples
work
 longer
hours
due to
 it
provided
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
wonderful
Add an article
the wonderful
a wonderful
show examples
 environment and they want to reach success.
However
, nothing forces people
work
Add the particle
to work
show examples
 longer
hours
 and do not
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 time
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 leisure activities. It is
choosing
Correct article usage
the choosing
show examples
 of each man.
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
To improve task response, ensure that your essay directly addresses the question asked. Include a clear thesis statement in your introduction that outlines your position. In your case, more explicit argumentation directly linking your views to the topic question would enhance clarity and relevance.
coherence and cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, organize your ideas more logically and make use of linking words to smoothly transition between sentences and paragraphs. While some structure is present, clearer paragraphing with distinct main ideas in each, followed by supporting details, would strengthen your essay.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: