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Band 4.5

Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the ‎causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and on society.‎

#people #time #home #‎causes #effects #individuals #society
It is
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 common thing we are witnessing that today's vast majority of
people
 are more likely to spend their time outside
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
home
. In
forthecoming
Correct word choice
the coming
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 paragraphs, I intend to
higliht
Correct your spelling
highlight
 the major reasons
of
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for
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this
 worst happening,
how
Correct word choice
and how
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 they are impacting on
person
Change noun form
person's
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 life and
on
Change preposition
apply
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our community. There are innumerable factors because of them large number of
people
 are staying out
from
Change preposition
of
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home
. The most adverse
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 unhealthy relationships among families and
distressing
Correct article usage
a distressing
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home
 environment.
Therefore
,
specifically
Add a comma
specifically,
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 men start to engage in other activities
consequently
,
such
 as drug abuse,
Correct word choice
and
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join
Wrong verb form
joining
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 bad companies till late
night
Change preposition
at night
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.
For instance
,
people
 who are deprived of care and attention from
home
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will find
from
Correct pronoun usage
it from
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outside
Add an article
the outside
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 world. Another cogent reason is socio
economic
Correct word choice
socio-economic
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 pressure and instability have
great
Add an article
a great
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 effect on
laymen
Change noun form
laymen's
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. To meet the basic needs of life they burn the midnight oil. Even they do not have time to hug, curdle and talk with their children.
Moreover
, it is becoming
trend
Correct article usage
a trend
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people
Correct word choice
that people
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 are becoming
late night
Add a hyphen
late-night
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 owls, and do not like to be early
bird
Fix the agreement mistake
birds
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.
Hence
, they invest their nights in some
cafe's
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cafe
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 restaurants etc.
Last
 but not least, many individuals have joined different
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 out
from
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of
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home
 to get rid
from
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of
show examples
daily
Correct pronoun usage
their daily
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 banal
routine
Fix the agreement mistake
routines
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.
For Instance
, one of my
friend
Change to a plural noun
friends
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 lives alone to lessen boredom she is used to
go
Change the verb form
going
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for
Change preposition
to
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gym
Correct article usage
the gym
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, swimming and
for
Change preposition
to
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learningg
Correct your spelling
learning
 music class.
To conclude
, there are some positive reasons
of
Change preposition
for
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 less spend time at
home
 but most of the negative aspects are noticed that are
effacting
Correct your spelling
effecting
affecting
people
Change noun form
people's
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 health, status,
relationships
Correct word choice
and relationships
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 and destroying our community harmony.
Submitted by amnamunir764 on

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Introduction Clarity
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Logical Flow
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Relevant Examples
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Paragraph Development
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Grammar and Accuracy
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Effective Conclusion
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Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

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You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • job demands
  • work-life balance
  • remote working
  • digital entertainment
  • public spaces
  • urbanization
  • social and recreational options
  • networking
  • commuting
  • blurred boundaries
  • extroverted societal expectation
  • cafes and coworking spaces
  • smaller living spaces
  • cultural changes
What to do next:
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