Today, many people do not have time to spend with their families in large cities. What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

#people #time #families #cities

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Nowadays, there is a growing issue where

people

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living in big cities do not have sufficient

time

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with their loved ones. Despite the fact that most city communities are working, it

Change the verb form

is also worsened

is also worsening

show examples

also

Linking Words

worsen by the condition of the transportation system. As living cost continues to increase, particularly in the city, more and more

people

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choose to work to

fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

show examples

their needs.

This

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means

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apply

show examples

the number of

people

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who commute from their home to their workplace is

also

Linking Words

increasing. These workers demand

for

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

reliable, effective and efficient

travel

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

that is

Linking Words

not always the case. In some large cities in Indonesia,

for

Linking Words

example

Add a comma

example,

show examples

the capital Jakarta, commuting from home to the office is challenging because most

people

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rely solely on their private cars.

As a result

Linking Words

streets

Fix the agreement mistake

street

show examples

congestion is inevitable and leads to more

travel

Use synonyms

time

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for the employees.

Therefore

Linking Words

goverments

Correct your spelling

governments

government

should take a crucial role in providing a reliable

transporation

Correct your spelling

transportation

system. The employers' regulation

also

Linking Words

contributes to the decrease in their employee's quality

time

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. Work from

office

Correct article usage

the office

show examples

is mandatory in most companies in big cities, despite the location of their workers'

house

Fix the agreement mistake

houses

show examples

Hence

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

have to

travel

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everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

from home to

workplace

Correct article usage

the workplace

show examples

and spend their

time

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on the streets, rather than with their families.

Goverment

Correct your spelling

Government

and employers should work together to tackle

this

Linking Words

condition.

First,

Linking Words

Correct article usage

the goverment

show examples

goverment

Correct your spelling

government

governments

should focus on

transit oriented

Add a hyphen

transit-oriented

show examples

development to reduce

people

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's dependency on private cars.

Second,

Linking Words

they should be able to provide a reliable transportation system

that is

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affordable and efficient which can allow workers to

travel

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effective

Add an article

an effective

show examples

way,

thus

Linking Words

reduce

Wrong verb form

reducing

show examples

the amount of

travel

Use synonyms

time

Use synonyms

Lastly

Linking Words

, companies

shoul

Correct your spelling

should

also

Linking Words

promotes

Correct subject-verb agreement

promote

show examples

Work-From-Home (WFH) regulations

who

Correct pronoun usage

that

show examples

encourage

people

Use synonyms

their

Change preposition

to their

show examples

commuting frequency.

Submitted by giskaayprd on Wed Feb 21 2024

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Task Achievement

To improve task achievement, ensure you fully address all parts of the prompt in a balanced manner. While you've presented relevant issues and solutions, further exploration of the direct consequences on families and relationships would enhance the completeness of your response.

Coherence & Cohesion

When working on coherence and cohesion, try to organize your essay more effectively by using clearer paragraph breaks and transitions. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by examples or explanations, that connects back to the overall topic. Consider using a wider variety of cohesive devices to make these links more explicit.

Language Use

To strengthen your essay, incorporate a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely. Also, double-check your work for any grammatical or typographical errors that can detract from clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

277 words

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Today, many people do not have time to spend with their families in large cities. What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

Fully explain your ideas

You recently went to visit a friend in their new home. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter: tell your friend what you liked about his/her new house say what you did or enjoyed most about your stay with your friend suggest when and where you could meet your friend next

Some people say that history has little or nothing to offer, while others say that study the past helps the present. discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Stress is now a major problem in many countries around the world. What are some of the factors in modern society that cause stress, and how can we reduce it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Stress-related illnesses are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

In developed countries, more and more people buy and use their cars. Do the advantages for people of cars using outweight its disadvantages on environment.