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In many countries, teenagers are encouraged to find part time jobs. Some think this is a good development while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#countries #teenagers #part #time #jobs #think #development
Part time
Add a hyphen
Part-time
show examples
 work is
significatly
Correct your spelling
significantly
 more prominent with the younger population. Some people possess a negative opinion of
this
 recent development and some are in full support of
this
. In
this
 essay, I will be unpacking and discussing both spectrums
as well as
 my standpoint on
this
 topic.
To begin
 with, in the capitalist society we live in today, having a career is essential for one's survival. Families are finding it harder to afford basic needs
such
 as food, clothing and shelter. I grew up in a small town near Lagos, Nigeria, where the mass population could not bear the expense of
such
 mundane things. Unquestionably,
this
 can be disheartening to encounter which makes the idea of capable teenagers working to support their families resonate with me.
On the other hand
, some individuals are against youngsters working entirely. They are of the perspective that working could deter juveniles from focusing solely on their education and hobbies critical for their advancement. From my point of view,
this
 is a fair viewpoint given all necessary financial needs of these teens are met.
To conclude
, the determining factor regarding a minor being employed for a service resides in the current
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
 circumstances of their respective guardians or primary caregivers
Submitted by quadrimashood on

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Task Achievement
To improve your essay, try to provide a more direct response to the essay prompt in your introduction. Clearly state your own opinion alongside discussing both views to fully meet the task requirements.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate more precise and varied transitional phrases to enhance the flow between paragraphs and within them. This will strengthen the cohesion and coherence of your essay.
Task Achievement
To enrich your task achievement, include more specific examples to support each viewpoint. Personal anecdotes are valuable, but additional broader examples or statistics could provide stronger support for your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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