IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that the government should use extra money to fund programs to improve the environment. Others think that it is better for the government to spend money to support artistic programs. Which option do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Part of
citizins
Correct your spelling
citizens
 want
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 government have to extra
money
Use synonyms
 to
support
Use synonyms
 and solve the
problems
Use synonyms
 regarding to ecosystem,
while
Linking Words
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 part of individuals prefer
spent
Change the verb form
to spend
show examples
money
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 artistic
programs
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will
descuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
 both views and give examples from
own
Correct pronoun usage
my own
show examples
 life.
Body paragraph 2
Enviroment
Correct your spelling
Environmental
Environment
 problem is known to be
essentail
Correct your spelling
essential
 for every person
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 impact
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our health and
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 and
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
convenience
 of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Such
Linking Words
problems
Use synonyms
 like global warming,
pullution
Correct your spelling
pollution
polluting
air
Change preposition
of air
show examples
 and
list
Correct article usage
a list
show examples
 of ecosystem
problems
Use synonyms
 require other
approuch
Correct your spelling
approaches
 and need a lot of
money
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, many people are used to
use
Change the verb form
using
show examples
 plastic bottles,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 plastic items contribute
global
Change preposition
to global
show examples
 warming.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
 government should use extra
money
Use synonyms
 to
support
Use synonyms
peper-based
Correct your spelling
paper-based
 bags.
Body paragraph 3
In
this
Linking Words
tempopary
Correct your spelling
temporary
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 many people waste a lot of time
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 unuseful social media. Teenagers tend to watch movies, but
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 movies do not consist
sense
Change preposition
of sense
show examples
 and educational help.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 they
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not
interesting
Replace the word
interested
show examples
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
other kind
Change the wording
another kind
other kinds
show examples
 of art.
That is
Linking Words
 why,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 pay
attantion
Correct your spelling
attention
 and
put
Wrong verb form
puts
show examples
affort
Correct your spelling
effort
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 artistic
programs
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
programs
Use synonyms
 will create
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
educatinal
Correct your spelling
educational
picture
Fix the agreement mistake
pictures
show examples
,
songs
Correct word choice
and songs
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, our
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 education was different
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to nowadays
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
.
Due to
Linking Words
 that time artistic
programs
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
Use synonyms
programs
Fix the agreement mistake
program
show examples
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 only to have a rest,
apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 program
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 educate
nation
Add an article
a nation
the nation
show examples
.
Conclusion
To
summary
Replace the word
summarise
show examples
, both
programs
Use synonyms
 are essential for our life,
however
Linking Words
problems
Use synonyms
 regarding to ecosystem
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 valuable. We can
support
Use synonyms
 anytime artistic program but our nature's problem can be very late to
support
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

logical structure
Work on structuring your essay more logically. Each paragraph should have a clear idea that is developed and connected to the main topic.
introduction conclusion present
Include a clear introduction that presents the topic and your viewpoint, and a conclusion that summarizes your main points.
supported main points
Ensure that each main point is supported with specific examples or explanations. Although you attempt to do this, the examples could be more relevant and detailed.
complete response
Make sure you fully address the essay prompt. This includes giving a clear, comprehensive explanation of your viewpoint and supporting it throughout your essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify your ideas and arguments. Aim for precision in language to make your points more comprehensible.
relevant specific examples
Use specific examples relevant to the arguments you are making. They should clearly illustrate your points and be directly related to the topic.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • allocate
  • allocate funds
  • environmental conservation
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable development
  • protect wildlife
  • reduce pollution
  • promote sustainability
  • artistic development
  • cultural expression
  • creative industries
  • nurture talent
  • artistic innovation
  • enrich society
  • budget allocation
  • prioritize
  • public opinion
  • government responsibility
  • social welfare
  • public wellbeing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: