Some people think that secondary school children should study international news as one of the school subjects. Other people think that it is a waste of valuable school ti. me. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

To
service
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serve
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in
this
internationally
linking
Wrong verb form
linked
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world, many people have the opinion that
students
should learn about the major events which
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
been happening in the world by introducing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
new subject into the official academic
carriculum
Correct your spelling
curriculum
.
However
, others insist that young
students
are already fully occupied with
exsiting
Correct your spelling
exciting
existing
subjects
such
as math, science, and additional languages which I
also
agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
show examples
with. Some individuals would acknowledge that
students
should learn the international
big
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
events and issues to build up their capabilities to accept which is based on worldwide knowledge. Introducing the new subject as the office procedure to teach
students
international
news
can support them
to increase
Change preposition
in increasing
show examples
their
comprehending
Replace the word
comprehension
show examples
of the
effect
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effects
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
other
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
issues. As
stduents
Correct your spelling
students
might not be able to select the appropriate information from the internet by themselves, it would be greatly helpful for them to be prepared as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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competent international human
resouces
Correct your spelling
resources
by having
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
qualified guide from their teachers.
Depite
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Despite
of
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apply
show examples
this
argument,
opposite
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the opposite
show examples
side of people support that having additional
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
like learning international
news
would bring more burden on young people as they are already full of other academic work
such
as science,
addtional
Correct your spelling
additional
languages, and
mathmetics
Correct your spelling
mathematics
. As
this
is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fact
that
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apply
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students
has
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have
show examples
been
experienced
Wrong verb form
experiencing
show examples
excessive academic stress with
current
Add an article
the current
show examples
curriculum, adding more study will result in unhealthy psychological
condtion
Correct your spelling
conditions
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
students
.
On the other hand
, it would be
challening
Correct your spelling
challenging
for teachers to choose the
news
which will be just based on
teacher's
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers'
show examples
onw
Correct your spelling
own
one
now
perspectives
reagrding
Correct your spelling
regarding
politics,
religions
Fix the agreement mistake
religion
show examples
, and other personal beliefs.
Students
can be affected by
teacher's
Correct article usage
the teacher's
show examples
opinion
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
prior to developing their own viewpoints. In conclusion,
although
students
can be
equippted
Correct your spelling
equipped
with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instant international knowledge by learning worldwide
news
, it cannot be ignored that
students
might have greater stress with having extracurricular activities on top of what they are already allocated to study.
Furthremore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, there would be a risk of installing
teacher's
Correct article usage
the teacher's
show examples
personal
viewpoint
Fix the agreement mistake
viewpoints
show examples
into the
students
before they
estabilish
Correct your spelling
establish
their own views to see the issues which I am completely convinced with.
Submitted by yeseulyou92 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance your essay's logical structure, try to organize your paragraphs more clearly. Each paragraph should tackle a single main point, supported by examples or explanations. A clear progression of ideas will improve readability.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, aim for more distinct and concise statements especially in your conclusion. This helps in reinforcing your stance and summarizing the essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more specific examples. This involves detailing real-life scenarios, statistics, or studies related to international news in schools. This will add depth to your argument and make it more convincing.
task achievement
Address the task more comprehensively by discussing both views equally before stating your opinion. Try to present and analyze contrasting perspectives thoroughly before concluding with your own stance.
task achievement
Enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas by refining your argument structure. Ensure that each paragraph directly supports your thesis, with each sentence contributing to the development of your argument.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples that directly relate to the international news in the secondary school curriculum. This strengthens your argument and demonstrates a broader understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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