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Writing Samples /
Band 6

1.The bar chart provides information about how families in a country spent weekly income in both 1968 and in 2018.

1.The bar chart provides information about how families in a country spent weekly income in both 1968 and in 2018.
#bar #information #families #country #income
The given bar graph indicates the
chagnes
Correct your spelling
changes
change
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 average expenditures of people's income on
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 weekly basis in a certain nation in both years
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1968 and 2018.
Overview
Change preposition
In overview
show examples
, the percentage of spending money on food
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
significantly decreased
while
 the rates of expenditure on housing, transport, and leisure were
markly
Correct your spelling
markedly
 increased
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same period.
However
,
ther
Correct your spelling
the
 items
remined
Correct your spelling
remained
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar manner in both researched years. Looking first
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 all the proportions of the major fluctuations, the
proprotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 for food presented
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more than a third in the first given year, which was the biggest portion in 1968.
However
, it had a massive drop almost
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of them in 2018. When it comes to the ratio of
hosuing
Correct your spelling
housing
, transport, and leisure, they were
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar level just near 10% in 1968.
However
, the percentages of housing and transport
expreienced
Correct your spelling
experienced
 a double increase in 2018
while
 people used more money for their downtime
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more than twice in 2018 compared to 1968. Moving to the other data, the figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 fuel
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
power and personal items
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
declined
just
Change preposition
by just
show examples
 below 10% in 2018 which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 a mere drop,
while
clothes
Correct article usage
the clothes
show examples
 and
shoes's
Change noun form
shoes
show examples
 figure was a significant drop which was a half. Interestingly, the household items
was remained
Change to the active voice
remained
has remained
show examples
 at the same point.
Submitted by yeseulyou92 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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