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Band 4.5

Nowadays many young people deliberately damage public places. What are the causes and solutions?

#people #damage #places
Nowadays, many teenage
people
 are harming society.
However
, it is necessary to find alternative ways to prevent
this
 and help them to grow up to be useful
people
 in public
places
. First of all, many young
people
 are causing damage to public
places
, and education plays the biggest role in making society like
this
. How parents raise their children reflects
this
 in public
places
 like charming public
places
 is the work of a fool. Doing these things does not benefit anyone, only the one who causes harm is useless. You should protect yourself in public
places
 as if you were at home.
Secondly
, it is better to be engaged in an activity that benefits public
places
 rather than harming them.
For example
, if they go to repetiteurs outside of school or do some craft, they will become a person who will benefit not only society
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 public
places
 everyone has the right to damage things in public
places
. It is good for everyone if they do the same in public
places
 as they do at home. If a fine or some other punishments are imposed on the person who damages public
places
, maybe young
people
 will not be harmed. Conclusion Every person should not damage public
places
 and should be able to restrain himself.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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task achievement
Focus on directly addressing the question by explicitly discussing causes and solutions. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea related to these aspects.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Explicitly state your main ideas in the introduction and reiterate them in the conclusion for clarity.
task achievement
Use specific examples and detailed explanations to support your main points. This will help to provide a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
To improve your score, ensure logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Use linking words to better connect sentences and paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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