IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Art and music classes should not be mandatory at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#art #music #classes #school
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is a common belief that
students
Use synonyms
 should not be forced to study
art
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that these should be required subjects because taking
art
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 helps children become more creative and alleviates their stress.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, studying
art
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
 fosters
students
Use synonyms
 creativity among children. These types of
classes
Use synonyms
 include activities,
such
Linking Words
 as painting or playing instruments, that enable
students
Use synonyms
 to communicate their feelings. They become more creative as they learn how to express themselves.
For example
Linking Words
, most
art
Use synonyms
 therapists recommend spending more time painting with other
students
Use synonyms
 because it would give them more opportunities to freely release their feelings on canvases and to the other
students
Use synonyms
 when they want to explain how they paint pictures with specific
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
feelings. Compared to processes with other academic
classes
Use synonyms
, It is definitely not easy to do, but when they
used to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
indicate their emotions well, these creative
courses
Use synonyms
 should be valuable to develop their communication skills. On top of that, making
art
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
 mandatory would create opportunities for
students
Use synonyms
 to reduce their stress.
This
Linking Words
 is because attending these
classes
Use synonyms
 would allow
students
Use synonyms
 to take breaks from more intensive academic
courses
Use synonyms
 that require the memorization of facts, figures, and examinations as well. Except for these entertainment
classes
Use synonyms
, they have to spend time using the left brain related to intelligence part which is called IQ.
However
Linking Words
, artistic
courses
Use synonyms
 give
students
Use synonyms
 a chance to use the right brain related to emotion.
This
Linking Words
 illustrates that
art
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 should be required in all education curriculums.
To sum up
Linking Words
, these
classes
Use synonyms
 have been a force for good by offering opportunities to learn how to communicate and stress out to
students
Use synonyms
. For these reasons, it is important to keep
art
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
courses
Use synonyms
 at school for
students
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by lss870311 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea followed by supporting details. This will improve the flow and coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to connect ideas within and across paragraphs more effectively. It will enhance the logical structure and cohesion of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Include a more diverse range of sentence structures to add complexity and interest to your writing.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. Make sure your position is clear throughout the essay and that your argument is consistent and well-developed.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments. Specific examples make your ideas more convincing and concrete.
task achievement
Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and clearly restates your position. It's important to leave a strong final impression on the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: