in their advertising, business nowedays usually emphasise that their products are new in some ways. why is this ? do you think it is a positive or ngative development?

Bolding
uniquness
Correct your spelling
uniqueness
unique
and different aspects of products has become an inseparable part of each
advertisment
Correct your spelling
advertisement
,
demanding
Wrong verb form
demanded
show examples
by manufacturers. In my opinion, there
two
Add a missing verb
are two
show examples
main reasons for
this
phenomeneon
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
and have
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
own
brightsides
Correct your spelling
bright sides
and
darksides
Correct your spelling
dark sides
dark side
. As for why businesses are persisting on
freshfulness
Correct your spelling
freshness
of their
commidities
Correct your spelling
commodities
communities
, it can be mentioned two reasons.
Firstly
, purchasing
such
sate-of-the-art
Correct your spelling
state-of-the-art
show examples
artefact
Fix the agreement mistake
artefacts
show examples
shows the ability of buyers, pointing their wealth by which they can feel superior
than
Change the preposition
to
show examples
other ordinary individuals;
for
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
Apple brand introduces not only the most
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
in the world but
also
the most stylish models that by buying the newest, he can flaunt his fortune.
Secondly
, it is obvious that just the up-to-date merchandise can absorb
people
's attention
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
the old ones. It would be a bit
rediculous
Correct your spelling
ridiculous
show examples
that
Change preposition
for
show examples
obsolete stuff with old features to be sold. A number of opponents argue that it has a prominent negative impact on
people
which is called 'consumerism'. Capitalists are inducing
people
in
way
Add an article
a way
show examples
that will be thirsty for every fresh idea
as well as
commidities
Correct your spelling
commodities
communities
by which they can obtain as much money as
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
can.
On the other hand
, proponents contend that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
are entitled to know about the new
thechnological
Correct your spelling
technological
artefacts that can
chang
Correct your spelling
change
show examples
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
life from good to better circumstances. One of these goods is
satelite
Correct your spelling
satellite
internet,
earasing
Correct your spelling
erasing
harassing
all
limites
Correct your spelling
limits
to access the net.
To conclude
, in my opinion,
nowedays
Correct your spelling
nowadays
people
are wise enough to be aware of potential dangers and can be far away from the capitalists, looking for vulnerable individuals. If you ask me whether
this
emphesis
Correct your spelling
emphasis
emphasise
on every single new
aspects
Change to a singular noun
aspect
show examples
is acceptable or not, I will definitely say yes, by
openning
Correct your spelling
opening
intact ways of living more
comfortable
Change the word
comfortably
show examples
.
Submitted by amirhossein7179 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay addresses the topic, yet it lacks clear, comprehensive development of ideas. To improve, ensure each paragraph presents a distinct point clearly and fully. Expand your ideas with more precise details or examples.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but could be enhanced for clarity and impact. Make sure your thesis statement in the introduction is direct and that the conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and stance.
coherence cohesion
Main points are somewhat supported, but the supports are vague or generic. Strengthen your argument by providing specific examples or data to back up your claims.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and word choice for enhanced clarity and precision. Errors in spelling and grammar can distract from your message.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: