Children recently play games when having free time. What are the advantages and disadvantages?
In the modern epoch, with the progress of technology, a
number
of online games
were made. Also
, a number
of folks who have free time
prefer to play games
online rather than spend time
with their friends or family although
this
phenomenon has demerits, some merits can not be overlooked. The following benefits and drawbacks and also
examples will help support my point of view.
On the one hand, a host
of individuals especially youngsters prefer to play games
online. Consequently
, this
event has a large number
of cons such
as physical and mental illnesses. For instance
, in my country, Iran a host
of people who play online games
a lot may have some pain such
as eye or back pain. So, if you look at the screen and seat
a lot, you will have pains when you get older. Verb problem
sit
Moreover
, if you do not spend time
with your family or friends when they will pass away or leave you, you be able to get a host
of mental illnesses such
as depression. For instance
, a people who live in the USA, when youngsters do not have any bond with their family when they are alone, they will do some bad things such
as they will do drugs or drunk.
On the other hand
, a number
of people think that playing online games
has some benefits , especially for children. For example
, they can learn some languages not only learn all tongues, but also
they can speak English due to
the fact that when they play online they should communicate with each other. However
, in my opinion, this
reason is not extremely significant because we have a large number
of English institutes. So, we can go there and learn languages whatever want.
In conclusion, we recognize this
event has a host
of obvious drawbacks and a number
of pros if we can control the time
when we play online games
. Consequently
, if parents can control their children, we won't have any cons. So, if I were they, I would change some things.Submitted by bazarjanimohammadreza83 on
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Task Achievement
To improve your score in Task Achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Your response should clearly present relevant arguments for both sides (advantages and disadvantages) with a balanced view. Consider expanding on your ideas with more detailed explanations and direct answers to the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, work on organizing your essay more logically. Use paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, and make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by examples or explanations. Transition words can help improve the flow of your writing, making your arguments easier to follow.
General
In terms of both Task Achievement and Coherence and Cohesion, providing more specific and varied examples will make your arguments stronger and more persuasive. Try to include real-world examples or hypothetical scenarios that directly relate to the advantages and disadvantages of children playing games in their free time.