Children recently play games when having free time. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the modern epoch, with the progress of technology, a
number
Use synonyms
of online
games
Use synonyms
were made.
Also
Linking Words
, a
number
Use synonyms
of folks who have free
time
Use synonyms
prefer to play
games
Use synonyms
online rather than spend
time
Use synonyms
with their friends or family
although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
phenomenon has demerits, some merits can not be overlooked. The following benefits and drawbacks and
also
Linking Words
examples will help support my point of view. On the one hand, a
host
Use synonyms
of individuals especially youngsters prefer to play
games
Use synonyms
online.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
event has a large
number
Use synonyms
of cons
such
Linking Words
as physical and mental illnesses.
For instance
Linking Words
, in my country, Iran a
host
Use synonyms
of people who play online
games
Use synonyms
a lot may have some pain
such
Linking Words
as eye or back pain. So, if you look at the screen and
seat
Verb problem
sit
show examples
a lot, you will have pains when you get older.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if you do not spend
time
Use synonyms
with your family or friends when they will pass away or leave you, you be able to get a
host
Use synonyms
of mental illnesses
such
Linking Words
as depression.
For instance
Linking Words
, a people who live in the USA, when youngsters do not have any bond with their family when they are alone, they will do some bad things
such
Linking Words
as they will do drugs or drunk.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a
number
Use synonyms
of people think that playing online
games
Use synonyms
has some benefits , especially for children.
For example
Linking Words
, they can learn some languages not only learn all tongues, but
also
Linking Words
they can speak English
due to
Linking Words
the fact that when they play online they should communicate with each other.
However
Linking Words
, in my opinion,
this
Linking Words
reason is not extremely significant because we have a large
number
Use synonyms
of English institutes. So, we can go there and learn languages whatever want. In conclusion, we recognize
this
Linking Words
event has a
host
Use synonyms
of obvious drawbacks and a
number
Use synonyms
of pros if we can control the
time
Use synonyms
when we play online
games
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, if parents can control their children, we won't have any cons. So, if I were they, I would change some things.
Submitted by bazarjanimohammadreza83 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To improve your score in Task Achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Your response should clearly present relevant arguments for both sides (advantages and disadvantages) with a balanced view. Consider expanding on your ideas with more detailed explanations and direct answers to the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, work on organizing your essay more logically. Use paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, and make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by examples or explanations. Transition words can help improve the flow of your writing, making your arguments easier to follow.
General
In terms of both Task Achievement and Coherence and Cohesion, providing more specific and varied examples will make your arguments stronger and more persuasive. Try to include real-world examples or hypothetical scenarios that directly relate to the advantages and disadvantages of children playing games in their free time.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: