Some people believe that television programs are no real value for children. 1.Do you agree or disagree?
A faction of people holds the notion that
television
programs
are not beneficial for young ones. I completely agree with this
view as ample reasons are present to substantiate it. This
essay will explain my viewpoint with relevant illustrations.
First and foremost, television
programs
which is targeting
Wrong verb form
that target
children
would cause addiction which is detrimental for
their future. Change preposition
to
This
is because juveniles spend several hours for
watching Change preposition
apply
television
programs
. As a result
, the children
might lose their interest in academic subjects. Similarly
, since the children
could not understand that televison
characters Correct your spelling
television
are
not Verb problem
do
existing
in real life, they might mimic the characters of the virtual world. Wrong verb form
exist
For example
, it is reported that hundreds of students believe that Spider Man
is real and they are expecting he will Add a hyphen
Spider-Man
recue
them whenever they are in Correct your spelling
rescue
a
trouble.
Correct article usage
apply
Furthermore
, another obvious effect of these television
programs
are
promoting criminal behaviour. Change the verb form
is
This
is because numerous television
series and movies promote crimes. As a consequence
, children
might influenced by the characters in their favourite shows and commit crimes. For example
, a crime reported in a renowned school in Korea school is inspired by a famous television
series Squid Game. Moreover
, young ones pester their parents to buy unwanted things by the influence of TV shows. This
may result to
Change preposition
in
the
financial problems, especially for Correct article usage
apply
low income
people.
In conclusion, addiction to Add a hyphen
low-income
television
may be
Unnecessary verb
apply
adversly
affect Correct your spelling
adversely
academic
performance of Add an article
the academic
juvniles
. Correct your spelling
juveniles
Influence
of Correct article usage
The influence
charecters
Correct your spelling
characters
character
of
Change preposition
on
children
's favourite TV shows leads not
only Change preposition
to not
crimes
but Change preposition
to crimes
also
Change preposition
to finanacial
finanacial
implications. I believe that Correct your spelling
financial
television
programs
will not add any value for
juveniles.Change preposition
to
Submitted by ck.manshad on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your essay is structured clearly with distinct paragraphs, and that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence which is then expanded with further explanations or examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduce a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. While you have used some effectively, varying your word choice can enhance readability and coherence.
Task Response
Provide a more balanced view in your argumentation, even if you strongly agree or disagree with the statement. Consider adding a paragraph acknowledging the opposing view, then refute it with strong arguments and examples to strengthen your position.
Task Response
While you have included relevant examples, aim to elaborate your ideas further with a deeper analysis or more detailed explanation of how and why these examples support your argument. This will enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
General Advice
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and inconsistencies in tense usage. These can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing. Consider revising your essay with a focus on grammar and precision in language use.