Some people believe that television programs are no real value for children. 1.Do you agree or disagree?

A faction of people holds the notion that
television
programs
are not beneficial for young ones. I completely agree with
this
view as ample reasons are present to substantiate it.
This
essay will explain my viewpoint with relevant illustrations. First and foremost,
television
programs
which is targeting
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that target
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children
would cause addiction which is detrimental
for
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to
show examples
their future.
This
is because juveniles spend several hours
for
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apply
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watching
television
programs
.
As a result
, the
children
might lose their interest in academic subjects.
Similarly
, since the
children
could not understand that
televison
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television
characters
are
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do
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not
existing
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exist
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in real life, they might mimic the characters of the virtual world.
For example
, it is reported that hundreds of students believe that
Spider Man
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Spider-Man
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is real and they are expecting he will
recue
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rescue
them whenever they are in
a
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apply
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trouble.
Furthermore
, another obvious effect of these
television
programs
are
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is
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promoting criminal behaviour.
This
is because numerous
television
series and movies promote crimes.
As a consequence
,
children
might influenced by the characters in their favourite shows and commit crimes.
For example
, a crime reported in a renowned school in Korea school is inspired by a famous
television
series Squid Game.
Moreover
, young ones pester their parents to buy unwanted things by the influence of TV shows.
This
may result
to
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in
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the
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apply
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financial problems, especially for
low income
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low-income
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people. In conclusion, addiction to
television
may
be
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apply
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adversly
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adversely
affect
academic
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the academic
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performance of
juvniles
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juveniles
.
Influence
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The influence
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of
charecters
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characters
character
of
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on
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children
's favourite TV shows leads
not
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to not
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only
crimes
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to crimes
show examples
but
also
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to finanacial
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finanacial
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financial
implications. I believe that
television
programs
will not add any value
for
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to
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juveniles.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your essay is structured clearly with distinct paragraphs, and that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence which is then expanded with further explanations or examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduce a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. While you have used some effectively, varying your word choice can enhance readability and coherence.
Task Response
Provide a more balanced view in your argumentation, even if you strongly agree or disagree with the statement. Consider adding a paragraph acknowledging the opposing view, then refute it with strong arguments and examples to strengthen your position.
Task Response
While you have included relevant examples, aim to elaborate your ideas further with a deeper analysis or more detailed explanation of how and why these examples support your argument. This will enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
General Advice
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and inconsistencies in tense usage. These can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing. Consider revising your essay with a focus on grammar and precision in language use.
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