A lot of people have become dependent on technology as it plays a big role in our daily lives. Do you agree that living in computer age has more advantages than disadvantages?
A lot of
people
have become dependent on techology
. I believe that Correct your spelling
technology
technology
considerably improved human life and at the same time
did the opposite. In this
essay
I will discuss and give a couple of examples for both my viewsAdd a comma
essay,
,
and why I believe that the benefits are greater than the downfalls.
On the Remove the comma
apply
one
hand, technology
reduced all Add an article
the technology
sort
of human interaction, Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
for
example
kids spend more Add a comma
example,
time
watching tv or playing on tablets instead
of enjoying time
outdoor
with friends, Replace the word
outdoors
therefore
, communication and interaction is
set to become a major Correct subject-verb agreement
are
issue
within the new generation, who mostly suffer of Fix the agreement mistake
issues
lonliness
and difficulties in approaching and interacting with other Correct your spelling
loneliness
people
.
Another negative consequence of technology
is the loss of employment; just by looking at groceries shops, machines
replaced
cashiers, or in the automotive businesses, cars were once Wrong verb form
replacing
ensambled
by humans, Correct your spelling
ensembled
enabled
nowdays
just by Correct the word
nowadays
machines
. We could argue about the fact that there are humans controlling the machines
, but, while
one
person is enough to check on the machine that is
building a whole car, in the past there were ten labour hands doing the job.
On the other hand
, I believe that technology
drastically improved our quality of life. For example
, I can see that first hand in my job, I am a bookkeeper, everything was done on paper before that and it caused: loss of time
, incredible waste of paper, and moreover
left space to
errors and inaccuracy. The introduction of calculators and computers and with Change preposition
for
Change the pronoun
their
them
spreadsheets, made Add a comma
them,
bookkeepers
Change noun form
bookkeepers'
bookkeeper's
job
easier, Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
accurate
, and more likeable.
Another positive improvement is the Correct quantifier usage
more accurate
one
in the health system, the invention of many technologies that can diagnose some illnesses, radiations that can kill cancer cells, machines
that can keep people
alive when they temporarly
can't themselves and so on.
In Conclusion, the benefits of Correct your spelling
temporarily
technology
are greater than the negative impact on people
, the negative outcomes are easily avoidable with a change in our attitude towards it.
Parents for example
could allow kids only one
hour of tv
or tablets per day and have their kids Correct your spelling
TV
to
spend more Fix the infinitive
apply
time
outdoor
doing activities with Replace the word
outdoors
school mates
.
In the work environment, employers could choose technologies that support workers Correct your spelling
schoolmates
instead
of ones that replace them.
We have the power to make technology
only beneficial to us just by doing
some small changes in our everyday life.Verb problem
making
Submitted by g.marta2013 on
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task response
To improve your task response, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. While you've made a good attempt, expanding on how the advantages specifically outweigh the disadvantages with clearer comparisons and a more balanced discussion would strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, aim to create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Using a wider range of linking words and phrases can help achieve this, making your essay more fluid and easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
To support your main points more effectively, incorporate a variety of detailed examples and evidence. While you provide some examples, diversifying these and tying them more explicitly to your argument will enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.