A lot of people have become dependent on technology as it plays a big role in our daily lives. Do you agree that living in computer age has more advantages than disadvantages?

#people #technology #role #lives #computer #age

A lot of

people

have become dependent on

techology

Correct your spelling

technology

. I believe that

technology

considerably improved human life and at the same

time

did the opposite. In

this

essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

I will discuss and give a couple of examples for both my views

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and why I believe that the benefits are greater than the downfalls. On the

one

hand,

technology

Add an article

the technology

show examples

reduced all

sort

Fix the agreement mistake

sorts

show examples

of human interaction,

for

example

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example,

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kids spend more

time

watching tv or playing on tablets

instead

of enjoying

time

outdoor

Replace the word

outdoors

show examples

with friends,

therefore

, communication and interaction

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

set to become a major

issue

Fix the agreement mistake

issues

show examples

within the new generation, who mostly suffer of

lonliness

Correct your spelling

loneliness

and difficulties in approaching and interacting with other

people

. Another negative consequence of

technology

is the loss of employment; just by looking at groceries shops,

machines

replaced

Wrong verb form

replacing

show examples

cashiers, or in the automotive businesses, cars were once

ensambled

Correct your spelling

ensembled

enabled

by humans,

nowdays

Correct the word

nowadays

show examples

just by

machines

. We could argue about the fact that there are humans controlling the

machines

, but,

while

one

person is enough to check on the machine

that is

building a whole car, in the past there were ten labour hands doing the job.

On the other hand

, I believe that

technology

drastically improved our quality of life.

For example

, I can see that first hand in my job, I am a bookkeeper, everything was done on paper before that and it caused: loss of

time

, incredible waste of paper, and

moreover

left space

Change preposition

for

show examples

errors and inaccuracy. The introduction of calculators and computers and with

Change the pronoun

their

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them

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them,

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spreadsheets, made

bookkeepers

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bookkeepers'

bookkeeper's

show examples

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

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easier,

accurate

Correct quantifier usage

more accurate

show examples

, and more likeable. Another positive improvement is the

one

in the health system, the invention of many technologies that can diagnose some illnesses, radiations that can kill cancer cells,

machines

that can keep

people

alive when they

temporarly

Correct your spelling

temporarily

can't themselves and so on. In Conclusion, the benefits of

technology

are greater than the negative impact on

people

, the negative outcomes are easily avoidable with a change in our attitude towards it. Parents

for example

could allow kids only

one

hour of

Correct your spelling

show examples

or tablets per day and have their kids

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

spend more

time

outdoor

Replace the word

outdoors

show examples

doing activities with

school mates

Correct your spelling

schoolmates

show examples

. In the work environment, employers could choose technologies that support workers

instead

of ones that replace them. We have the power to make

technology

only beneficial to us just by

doing

Verb problem

making

show examples

some small changes in our everyday life.

Submitted by g.marta2013 on Sat Feb 24 2024

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task response

To improve your task response, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. While you've made a good attempt, expanding on how the advantages specifically outweigh the disadvantages with clearer comparisons and a more balanced discussion would strengthen your argument.

coherence and cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, aim to create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Using a wider range of linking words and phrases can help achieve this, making your essay more fluid and easier to follow.

coherence and cohesion

To support your main points more effectively, incorporate a variety of detailed examples and evidence. While you provide some examples, diversifying these and tying them more explicitly to your argument will enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Grammar mistakes
 

9 paragraphs

394 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

omnipresence
breakthroughs
telemedicine
wearable health gadgets
connectivity
cultural exchange
data breaches
identity theft
digital divide
socio-economic disparities
overdependence
critical thinking
problem-solving skills
life expectancy
quality of life
accessible

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A lot of people have become dependent on technology as it plays a big role in our daily lives. Do you agree that living in computer age has more advantages than disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

this rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvangtage?

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social, and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures."

Some people say the main purpose of advertising is to improve sales of products that people do not really need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Governments should make public transportation free in order to reduce the number of private vehicles on roads, therefore leading to lower carbon emissions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.