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Band 5.5

In many countries, fast food is becoming cheaper and more widely available. Do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages?

#countries #food #outweigh
In today’s fast-paced
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 it is assumed that fast
food
 is becoming cheaper and more widely available in many countries.
This
 essay agrees that the benefits of junk
food
 having good prices and becoming easier to buy for
people
 who do not have enough time to cook outweigh the drawbacks, which are
food
quality
 and safety. There is no denying that
convenience
food
 is becoming cheaper and more available can lead to several drawbacks. One of the main downsides is lacking
food
quality
 and safety of many brands. Take the news on the 21st of October in 2017 as an example, some students had stomach
ache
Fix the agreement mistake
aches
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 because of eating prepackaged
food
of
Change preposition
from
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 “Lam Chau
deli
Capitalize word
Deli
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 '', it is obvious that the
quality
 of
food
 is actually important for customers. Despite the aforementioned disadvantage,
convenience
food
 is cheaper and useful for busy
people
 and can provide more important benefits. The first benefit is
convenience
 for busy
people
.
For instance
, nowadays, humans have to work more than 8 hours per day. Even some
people
 work
while
 going to school so prepackaged
food
 is a good choice for them. Another advantage is fast
food
 has become easier to buy in different places, we can find junk
food
 in many
convenience
 stores
such
 as
7 eleven
Correct your spelling
7-Eleven
,
circle k
Correct your spelling
Circle K
show examples
 and
family mart
Correct your spelling
Family Mart
show examples
. Do not need to spend time finding
food
 stores because we can buy a meal in more places. In conclusion,
although
 junk
food
 becoming cheaper and widely available can
give
Verb problem
lead
show examples
 to a lack of
quality
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
food
, they are overshadowed by the upsides, including being useful for busy
people
 and easy to find in a lot of places.
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coherence
The essay would benefit from a clearer distinction between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Consider using more transitional phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
task
Though the response is complete, providing a more nuanced analysis of each point would enhance task achievement. Try to include more in-depth discussions on both sides of the argument.
grammar
Ensure accurate subject-verb agreement and eliminate minor grammatical errors for a more polished essay. For example, 'a stomach ache' should be 'stomach aches,' and 'junk food becoming cheaper' should be 'the fact that junk food is becoming cheaper'.
coherence
The introduction clearly states the essay's stance and provides a roadmap for the reader.
coherence
The essay logically presents both the advantages and disadvantages before concluding with a balanced judgment.
task
The use of a real-life example (news from 21st October 2017) to support your point about food safety is commendable.
task
The essay addresses both aspects of the prompt and makes a clear argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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