the bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity

The bar chart provided

represent

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represents

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the regular physical activity in 2010 of Australian

female

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females

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and

male

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males

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percentage

age

group.

Overall

according to

the bar graph

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women outnumber males in most ages. The

age

gaps

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gap

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was not significant

exepet

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except

for the

age

group 35 to 44

years

old. Regarding male participation, 15 to 24 old

braket

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bracket

brakes

were the only

age

with more

man

Fix the agreement mistake

men

show examples

than women at 52.8 %.

Although

Correct word choice

However

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male

Add an article

the male

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figure dropped by around 10

percentage

points in the 25-34

age

bracket, to

Correct pronoun usage

its

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least

Correct word choice

lowest

show examples

percentage

at 39.5% between the

age

group 35 to 44

years

However

, the participation number increased gradually to 46.7% at 65

years

old and above .

Change preposition

show examples

the other hand, female participation numbers are higher in five of the six

age

groups. Starting from 47.7 per cent of women doing regular physical activity by

age

15 24

years

old , to it is peak figure at 53.3

therefore

in overtook man numbers at

age

45 to 54.

Then

it had a slight decline by 6

percentage

points, it

notewhorty

Correct your spelling

noteworthy

that it

stil

Correct your spelling

still

higher than men.

Submitted by zx00154 on Sat Feb 24 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, age, years with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

181 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Physical activity
Regular exercise
Age demographics
Participation rate
Trend analysis
Gender disparity
Health initiatives
Public health policies
Statistical comparison
Lifestyle choices
Work commitments
Age-related factors
Preventative health
Exercise habits
Surveillance data
Motivators and barriers

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the bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Modern technology is now very common in most workplaces. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology?

Some people believe that volunteer work should be a requirement for teenagers in high schools (for instance working for a charity). To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.