the bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity

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The bar chart provided

represent

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represents

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the regular physical activity in 2010 of Australian

female

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females

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and

male

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males

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percentage

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age

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group.

Overall

Linking Words

according to

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the bar graph

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women outnumber males in most ages. The

age

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gaps

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gap

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was not significant

exepet

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except

for the

age

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group 35 to 44

years

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old. Regarding male participation, 15 to 24 old

braket

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bracket

brakes

were the only

age

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with more

man

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men

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than women at 52.8 %.

Linking Words

Although

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However

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male

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the male

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figure dropped by around 10

percentage

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points in the 25-34

age

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bracket, to

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its

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least

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lowest

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percentage

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at 39.5% between the

age

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group 35 to 44

years

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However

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, the participation number increased gradually to 46.7% at 65

years

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old and above .

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the other hand, female participation numbers are higher in five of the six

age

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groups. Starting from 47.7 per cent of women doing regular physical activity by

age

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15 24

years

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old , to it is peak figure at 53.3

therefore

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in overtook man numbers at

age

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45 to 54.

Then

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it had a slight decline by 6

percentage

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points, it

notewhorty

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noteworthy

that it

stil

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still

higher than men.

Submitted by zx00154 on Sat Feb 24 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, age, years with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

6 paragraphs

181 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Physical activity
Regular exercise
Age demographics
Participation rate
Trend analysis
Gender disparity
Health initiatives
Public health policies
Statistical comparison
Lifestyle choices
Work commitments
Age-related factors
Preventative health
Exercise habits
Surveillance data
Motivators and barriers

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the bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Human activities have negative effects on plants and animal species. Some people think that it is too late to do anything about this problem. Other people believe that effective measures can be taken to improve this situation. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In modern era, it is easy to sell, buy and work with other people through internet. But others against it. Do you think this is positive trend or negative trend.

You were recently disrespected by one of the employees at your local supermarket, Write a letter to the supermarket manager. In your letter ●tell him/her why you were speaking with the employee ●describe the employee's rude behaviour ●explain what you'd like the manager to do

More and more people are working from home rather than at the workplace. Some people say this will bring benefits to the workers and their families, But others think it will bring stressto the home. Discuss both views and give your opinion.