Some people think parents should supervise there children's activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #parents #children #activities #freedom

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While

a faction of people holds the notion that children should be closely monitored by their parents, others argue that their

activites

Correct your spelling

activities

should be independent.

This

essay will delve into both viewpoints and explain my support for the latter opinion with relevant illustrations. First and foremost, the advocates of parental control claim that freedom of choice

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the

Correct article usage

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early age would help them to enhance

the

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their

show examples

dicision

Correct your spelling

decision

making ability.

In other words

, independent juveniles would have more capacity for dealing

difficult

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with difficult

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situations compared with parents dependent children.

Besides

, in the concurrent busy world, people have

hectic

Add an article

a hectic

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lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

lifestyles

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therefore

, the parents may not have sufficient time to monitor their

offsping

Correct your spelling

offspring

. Authorities and schools have the responsibility to observe the children and guide them

for

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apply

show examples

in a proper way.

Submitted by ck.manshad on Sat Feb 24 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Structure your essay effectively with a clear introduction, development of ideas, and a conclusion. You partially fulfilled this, but missing a proper conclusion weakened the structure.

Coherence & Cohesion

Ensure each paragraph has a clear main point and develop it with specific examples or explanations. You started to do this but didn't fully develop or support your points.

Task Achievement

Fully address the task by discussing both views mentioned in the prompt and providing your own opinion. You need to more clearly discuss the view supporting parental supervision and strengthen your own stance.

Task Achievement

Utilize specific examples to illustrate your points. Your argument would benefit greatly from concrete examples and a clearer explanation of your views.

Coherence & Cohesion

Watch out for basic grammar and spelling errors to improve clarity and professionalism of your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

2 paragraphs

127 words

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