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Band 5

Ordinary people copy famous people whom they see on TV and magazines. Do you think it is a positive development?

#people #copy #tv #magazines #development
Individuals tend to act, look and live like
people
 they see on
media
 and I believe
this
 is a negative situation because it influences us to look like them and it creates a financial state that most of us cannot reach and feel bad about it. One of the main reasons I think copying popular individuals is harmful to
ones
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 who try to copy them is because publicly-known
people
 usually shape mainstream trends in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, and these trends can be harmful to other
people
. Celebrities are famous because they are different
than
Change the preposition
from
show examples
 majority of the society with various terms,
such
 as being too beautiful or having longer legs than
average
Add an article
the average
an average
show examples
 human body, and these things usually create an illusion amongst others
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
cannot have. Take one of the famous models in the world Kate Moss,
for example
, she is known for her extremely thin body figure and
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 creator of
"heroin-chic"
Correct article usage
the "heroin-chic"
show examples
 aesthetic. Many try to reach for her body
standarts
Correct your spelling
standards
 because of the trend she created and many of them
ended
Wrong verb form
end
show examples
 up having anorexia or other types of eating disorders.
Other
Change the wording
Another
show examples
 reason
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
why copying
people
 from
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 is bad for us as individuals
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 that it makes us insecure and
despressed
Correct your spelling
depressed
 because of the wealth we have. Celebrities usually make good incomes and
as a result
 of that, they drink, wear and party lin richness and
people
 who are influenced by them start to either spend too much than they should
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
or feel inadequate for not having
that
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 much money as they have.
For instance
, a new social behaviour
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
named
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
"celebrity recession" has been discovered in the United States as
people
 who feel
dissatisfaction
Replace the word
dissatisfied
show examples
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the things they saw from the
media
 and cannot have them because their income does not allow them to pay those
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
 and
as a result
,
people
 feel depressed for not having enough money as popular
people
 have. In conclusion, trying to look like
media
 personalities can create certain perceptions which are bad for humans and
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can create finance-related depression.
Submitted by :DDDDD on

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introduction conclusion present
To enhance your essay, ensure your introduction clearly outlines the topic and your stance. Your conclusion should effectively summarize the points made.
logical structure
Develop a more logical structure by organizing your paragraphs clearly and using transitional phrases to link ideas smoothly.
supported main points
Focus on expanding your main points with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your argument.
complete response
Try to address the question directly throughout the essay, ensuring all paragraphs contribute to your argument or provide relevant examples.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and develop your ideas further. Consider explaining why people copy celebrities in detail and explore both the negative and potential positive impacts.
relevant specific examples
Utilize specific, real-world examples to support your arguments. Referencing studies or statistics could strengthen your case.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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