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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart illustrates the amount of hours that Chinese, American, Turkish and Brazilian tourists used per day to do 3 activities

The bar chart illustrates the amount of hours that Chinese, American, Turkish and Brazilian tourists used per day to do 3 activities
The bar chart provides information about the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 that
tourists
Use synonyms
 from
Chania
Correct your spelling
China
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, America, Turkey, and Brazil spent
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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 three different activities. Looking in more detail,
chart
Add an article
the chart
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 illustrates that Chinese
tourists
Use synonyms
 spent more time at the beach than other
tourists
Use synonyms
 from
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 three countries.
For example
Linking Words
, 8
hours
Use synonyms
 per
day
Use synonyms
 used by Chinese compared to 5
hours
Use synonyms
 for American
tourists
Use synonyms
. Another point is that the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 per
day
Use synonyms
 that used of reading books was more
of
Change preposition
apply
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the Brazilian
tourists
Use synonyms
 than
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, 6
hours
Use synonyms
 per
day
Use synonyms
 for Brazilian,
5
Correct word choice
and 5
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hours
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 Turkish.
In contrast
Linking Words
, visiting place activity preferred by
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
fewer
hours
Use synonyms
 per
day
Use synonyms
 compared to other activities for all
tourists
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, only
a
Change the article
an
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 hour per
day
Use synonyms
 that used
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 Chinese
tourists
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
setting
Correct your spelling
sitting
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 at the beach and reading books were more popular
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
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 vesting places for all
tourists
Use synonyms
 from three
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "for example".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, tourists, day with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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