Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any other experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?
As some reports state, “The features we have naturally have much more effect on our personality and development than other
experiences
that we have in our life.” This
is a controversial issue and it makes people confusing
which Correct word choice
confused about
one
is the major influence that affects ourselves
. For me, I think both of them are important; Correct pronoun usage
us
however
, experiences
have much
higher influence on us.
Edison said, “Genius is Add an article
a much
one
percent
inspiration and ninety-nine Change the spelling
per cent
percent
perspiration.” I agree with it very much. Edison had some learning problems when he was little; Change the spelling
per cent
however
, he worked very hard, trying more than 1000 kinds of bulbs and invented
the most useful thing, light in our world. He experienced a Wrong verb form
inventing
lot
of mistakes and achieved great work. It shows that maybe he was not the smartest person, but a perseverant one
. Take another person for example
, Stanley Yan, one
of the hotel presidents, wasn’t a good student at school. However
, he went to a delivery company to become a fundamental employee and tried his best to learn. Through a lot
of hard work, he became the president of the company. Afterwards, his leadership ability caught other people’s eyes; thus
, he was asked to become the president of the hotel. From these
examples, Change preposition
These
they
prove that experience may have more influence Correct pronoun usage
apply
to make
people successful. After a Change preposition
on making
lot
of stress, mistakes, and hard work, the harvest of them all are
much more meaningful.
Change the verb form
is
To sum up
, in my opinion, the experiences
you have may change your life. You can turn your weak personality or development into your strength by training yourself. Getting through a lot
of experiences
will make you stronger.Submitted by alperenyakut on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear structure by having distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Introduce your thesis in the introduction, support it in the body, and restate or summarize it in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow by adding transitional phrases or words between sentences and paragraphs. This helps in making the essay easier to follow.
task achievement
Directly address the question posed in the topic within your introduction, and make sure to include a sentence stating your opinion clearly. This helps in achieving a higher score in task response.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific, detailed examples. While personal anecdotes can strengthen an argument, incorporating a range of examples, including from reputable sources, can provide a more balanced perspective.
task achievement
To further improve your essay, focus on expanding your ideas with more depth and detail. Avoid shallow or overly broad statements; instead, aim for more insightful, nuanced explanations of how experiences influence personality and development.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite