IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

“Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has a negative effect on their social lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?”

#“modern #forms #communication #email #amount #time #people #friends #effect #lives
Novel methods of relationships like SMS and email have posed a reduction in time spent on face-to-face communications by
people
 which has affected their social
lives
 in a negative way. I definitely agree with
this
 idea and in
this
 essay, I will discuss the mentioned issue. It is generally acknowledged by several
people
 that new ways of communication
such
 as online platforms provide a helpful area to keep in touch with your
friends
 and relatives even distant ones. In fact, without these facilities, most of them may lose touch simply.
Additionally
, today's modern
lives
 do not leave any free time gap for individuals to meet and socialize with others face-to-face. So, it can be counted as an advantage for humans to let them keep all of their
friends
 simultaneously. A case in point is the Instagram application which has facilitated users' access to whole of their
friends
.
On the other hand
, there is ample evidence that by using modern technologies nobody is able to show his/her emotions and relations turn to be soulless. It means the depth of relations will be lost.
Furthermore
, using too many social media platforms makes
people
 more introverted and bashful in daily life.
As a result
, they can not make new
friends
 in their real
lives
.
For instance
, we witness those
people
 who used to be party animals but started to avoid showing up in public.
Consequently
,
although
 nowadays
further
 access to modern ways of communication has brought more convenience to states'
lives
 since it lets them keep their friendships
while
 saving time
due to
 not going out to see them, I am of the opinion that more emotional relations and improved social behaviour are more important and it is vital to keep the using of modern technologies for communication to the minimum.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing the task, but there are areas that could be improved. For example, you could further develop your arguments and provide more specific examples to strengthen your points. Additionally, try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear, single focus and that all ideas are directly relevant to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay's logical structure is generally clear, but there are some areas where transitions between ideas could be smoother. Try to make sure that every sentence naturally follows the previous one, and every paragraph leads logically to the next. This will help improve the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
You've demonstrated a solid understanding of the task and provided a clear stance on the issue. This shows good task achievement.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as mentioning Instagram, helps to make your arguments more concrete and relatable. This is effective in supporting your main points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your overall argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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