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Band 5.5

Some people like to spend their leisure time with their colleagues, while others prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life. Is it a good thing to spend leisure time with a colleague?

#people #leisure #time #colleagues #life #work #colleague
In
this
 day and age, being an employee possibly might have a wide connection.
Due to
 the fact that the atmosphere of the office consists of sharing co-working and other facilities, facing other members' workers is part of daily life. Even though working hours are the practical rule for being productive, releasing stress could be leisure
time
 for either external or internal colleagues.
In contrast
, there are some officers who frequently choose a non-combination between their own private lives and
work
.
Although
 it can be beneficial for spending free
time
 with partners, keeping a separate life
also
 has some aspects to consider. The most obvious advantage is that a friendly environment maintains good mental health at the workplace. Helping each other could be a non-toxic relationship among co-workers. Sometimes they come closer during consulting and supporting;
consequently
, it will assist the performing
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 on the job in several ways effectively.
Additionally
, it is supposed to take lunch together;
for instance
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people can chit-chat before going back to
work
, leading to no loneliness.
On the other hand
, separating part of life from job duties provides privacy and personal professional productivity.
Firstly
, combining colleagues with jobs sometimes will be interrupted in many situations. It depends on the individual concentration. In my opinion, I am the one who is not able to
work
while
 spending
time
 with friends, causing
loss
Correct article usage
a loss
show examples
 of focus and
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of
time
 without consciousness. In conclusion,
although
 separating
work
 from own privacy can effectively focus on the
work
's responsibilities
effectively
Rephrase
apply
show examples
, spending leisure
time
 can release stress at the workplace. As a suggestion,
time
 management will figure out how we can manage our appropriate lives in an organized way.
Submitted by sasinipapj on

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structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Your introduction should present the debate clearly and the conclusion should summarize your key points coherently.
cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesion devices (linking words) to connect your ideas more effectively. Make sure transitions between paragraphs are smooth to guide the reader through your argument seamlessly.
examples
Develop arguments with more detailed examples. Specific examples can strengthen your argument and provide clear evidence to support your points.
task response
Be sure to fully address the question asked. Spend enough time analyzing both sides of the argument and your stance, making your position clear throughout the essay.
grammar
Exercise caution with your grammar and punctuation to ensure clarity and precision in your arguments. Review basic grammar rules and sentence structures to improve the overall quality of your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • harmonious environment
  • effective collaboration
  • socializing
  • fostering
  • outlet for stress
  • blurring boundaries
  • privacy concerns
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • multinational companies
  • cross-cultural understanding
  • teamwork
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