Some people think that all lawbreakers should be taken into prison. In contrast, others believe there are better alternatives (for example, doing work or learning skills in the community). Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Over recent years there have been discussions on
wheather
the Correct your spelling
whether
law breakers
should be punished by putting them in prison or should teach them the Correct your spelling
lawbreakers
leson
by putting them in Correct your spelling
lesson
community
services
or learning. Fix the agreement mistake
service
Although
, there are arguments on both sides but
I strongly believe that the consequences should be decided based on the intensity of Remove the conjunction
apply
Correct article usage
the commited
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
crime
.
Few arguments put forward in favour taking
Change preposition
of taking
the
criminals Correct article usage
apply
into
Change preposition
to
prision
. Correct your spelling
prison
Firstly
, in order to make the
society safe we can Correct article usage
apply
temporary
remove the Change the adjective
temporarily
element
by placing them in Fix the agreement mistake
elements
the
Correct article usage
apply
prision
or rehab which can buy enough time for the authorities to make changes to Correct your spelling
prison
system
. Add an article
the system
In addition
, a minor crime
could encourage an individual to possibility
Replace the word
possibly
voilating
Correct your spelling
violate
Correct article usage
an unappropriate
unappropriate
law. Correct your spelling
inappropriate
For instance
, An individual after commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
the
minor Correct article usage
a
crime
just as traffic law, fraud etc, can feel if the outcomes are not challenging enough; therefore
making them think that as
the weakness of society and Correct your spelling
is
motivate
to commit a Wrong verb form
motivated
crime
on bigger
scale for Add an article
a bigger
there
profit Correct pronoun usage
apply
such
as robbery, murder etc.
However
, there are number
of convincing arguments from those who believe that other alternatives can help achieve equivalent goals. Change the article
a number
the number
Community
service is one of the good alternative
which not only Change to a plural noun
alternatives
help
the person who Verb problem
apply
commited
the Correct your spelling
committed
crime
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
the society we are living in. Not only this
, one can learn new skills from being a part of community
and collectively grow towards a better fit in the civilization. Add an article
the community
a community
Therefore
it is evident that all lawbreakers cannot fit in the alternative punishment options as the intensity of the crime
should be the decision maker.
To conclude
, prision
and Correct your spelling
prison
indugling
in the Correct your spelling
indulging
community
are both the
good options Correct article usage
apply
on
Change preposition
for
differnt
kinds of crimes. Correct your spelling
different
In contrast
to this
opinion, I would argue that beside
sending them to Replace the word
besides
prision
and hanging out with other criminals to spoil Correct your spelling
prison
there
Correct your spelling
their
mind
, we Correct subject-verb agreement
minds
sould
Correct your spelling
should
could
also
consider the
options Correct article usage
apply
such
as learning, and volunteering as the
part of punishment to help them be a good person.Correct article usage
apply
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task achievement
There's a good attempt to discuss both views and provide a personal opinion, but providing more specific examples would enhance the argumentation and clarity of the essay. Try to use concrete instances or statistics to support your standpoint or illustrate the points you are discussing.
coherence cohesion
Focusing on improving the essay structure can further enhance the logical flow and clarity. Consider using clear paragraphs to separate and distinguish your points. Start with an introduction that clearly outlines the essay's direction, develop each argument in its own paragraph, and conclude by summarizing the discussion and reiterating your opinion.
coherence cohesion
To increase coherence and cohesion, work on linking words and phrases. Employ transitional phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'On the other hand,' or 'Consequently' to create a smoother transition between ideas and paragraphs. This will help your essay to flow more naturally.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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