Some people think that all lawbreakers should be taken into prison. In contrast, others believe there are better alternatives (for example, doing work or learning skills in the community). Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #lawbreakers #prison #contrast #alternatives #work #skills #community

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Over recent years there have been discussions on

wheather

Correct your spelling

whether

the

law breakers

Correct your spelling

lawbreakers

show examples

should be punished by putting them in prison or should teach them the

leson

Correct your spelling

lesson

by putting them in

community

Use synonyms

services

Fix the agreement mistake

service

show examples

or learning.

Although

Linking Words

, there are arguments on both sides

but

Remove the conjunction

apply

show examples

I strongly believe that the consequences should be decided based on the intensity of

Correct article usage

the commited

show examples

commited

Correct your spelling

committed

crime

Use synonyms

. Few arguments put forward in favour

taking

Change preposition

of taking

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

criminals

into

Change preposition

show examples

Use synonyms

prision

Correct your spelling

prison

Firstly

Linking Words

, in order to make

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society safe we can

temporary

Change the adjective

temporarily

show examples

remove the

element

Fix the agreement mistake

elements

show examples

by placing them in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Use synonyms

prision

Correct your spelling

prison

or rehab which can buy enough time for the authorities to make changes to

system

Add an article

the system

show examples

In addition

Linking Words

, a minor

crime

Use synonyms

could encourage an individual to

possibility

Replace the word

possibly

show examples

voilating

Correct your spelling

violate

Correct article usage

an unappropriate

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unappropriate

Correct your spelling

inappropriate

show examples

law.

For instance

Linking Words

, An individual after

commiting

Correct your spelling

committing

the

Correct article usage

show examples

minor

crime

Use synonyms

just as traffic law, fraud etc, can feel if the outcomes are not challenging enough;

therefore

Linking Words

making them think that

Correct your spelling

show examples

the weakness of society and

motivate

Wrong verb form

motivated

show examples

to commit a

crime

Use synonyms

bigger

Add an article

a bigger

show examples

scale for

there

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

profit

such

Linking Words

as robbery, murder etc.

However

Linking Words

, there are

number

Change the article

a number

the number

show examples

of convincing arguments from those who believe that other alternatives can help achieve equivalent goals.

Community

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service is one of the good

alternative

Change to a plural noun

alternatives

show examples

which not only

help

Verb problem

apply

show examples

the person who

commited

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committed

the

crime

Use synonyms

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

the society we are living in. Not only

this

Linking Words

, one can learn new skills from being a part of

Use synonyms

community

Add an article

the community

a community

show examples

and collectively grow towards a better fit in the civilization.

Therefore

Linking Words

it is evident that all lawbreakers cannot fit in the alternative punishment options as the intensity of the

crime

Use synonyms

should be the decision maker.

To conclude

Linking Words

Use synonyms

prision

Correct your spelling

prison

and

indugling

Correct your spelling

indulging

in the

community

Use synonyms

are both

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good options

Change preposition

for

show examples

differnt

Correct your spelling

different

kinds of crimes.

In contrast

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

opinion, I would argue that

beside

Replace the word

besides

show examples

sending them to

Use synonyms

prision

Correct your spelling

prison

and hanging out with other criminals to spoil

there

Correct your spelling

their

show examples

mind

Correct subject-verb agreement

minds

show examples

, we

sould

Correct your spelling

should

could

also

Linking Words

consider

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

options

such

Linking Words

as learning, and volunteering as

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

part of punishment to help them be a good person.

Submitted by sanjeetkaursandhu on Sun Feb 25 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

There's a good attempt to discuss both views and provide a personal opinion, but providing more specific examples would enhance the argumentation and clarity of the essay. Try to use concrete instances or statistics to support your standpoint or illustrate the points you are discussing.

coherence cohesion

Focusing on improving the essay structure can further enhance the logical flow and clarity. Consider using clear paragraphs to separate and distinguish your points. Start with an introduction that clearly outlines the essay's direction, develop each argument in its own paragraph, and conclude by summarizing the discussion and reiterating your opinion.

coherence cohesion

To increase coherence and cohesion, work on linking words and phrases. Employ transitional phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'On the other hand,' or 'Consequently' to create a smoother transition between ideas and paragraphs. This will help your essay to flow more naturally.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
45
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

328 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Incarceration
Deterrent
Violate
Societal norms
Public safety
Rehabilitation
Recidivism
Reintegrate
Justice system
Punishment
Community service
Skills training
Social problems
Reform
Exacerbate

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Some people think that all lawbreakers should be taken into prison. In contrast, others believe there are better alternatives (for example, doing work or learning skills in the community). Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families. Others believe that this ia unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support.

Plastic bags, plastic bottles and plastic packaging are bad for the environment What damage does plastic do to the environment? What can be done by governments and individuals to solve this problem?

In the future, nobody will buy printed books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In some countries ordinary citizens are allowed to keep a gun in their house. Some people think this is a good idea, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Children spend a lot of time watching TV and playing computer game, however it does not help in improving their mental abilities. Do you agree or disagree?