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Band 4

Employees Who Are Engaged In Their Work Have Happier Home Life

#employees #work #home #life
Psychology researchers at Kansas State University conducted investigations into the correlation between people’s positive
work
 experiences and their family interaction. The survey revealed that engagement in
work
 and mood in daily lives had mutual interaction. The investigation
also
 unveiled the
facts
Fix the agreement mistake
fact
show examples
 that
this
 interaction varies from day to day and that the daily dedication to
work
 held a positive effect on well-controlled workloads.
Conversely
, it was disclosed that negative forms of job involvement like workaholism and
work
 addiction had a negative impact on their home life. Professor Culbertson concluded that whether employees showed positive
work
-to-family attitudes depended on the management abilities of the organisations.
Submitted by T Shiro on

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Task Achievement
To improve task response, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task prompt. Although your essay discusses the correlation between work engagement and home life, it lacks a clear position or opinion on the topic, which is essential in many IELTS essay tasks. Consider adding a clear thesis statement at the end of your introduction and summarizing your viewpoint in the conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, make use of a wider range of linking phrases and topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This will help guide the reader through your argument or discussion more smoothly. Additionally, although you have presented some supported points, further elaboration and explanation of these points could strengthen your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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