Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health, others believe that government should make sure that their are healthy.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #responsibility #individuals #care #health #government

Some individuals state that one's

health

condition is their own

responsibilty

Correct your spelling

responsibility

therefore

, they should take measures to prevent illness and improve it.

Whereas

, some

people

argue that the

government

plays

major

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a major

show examples

role and

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

should take

actions

Fix the agreement mistake

action

show examples

in a way that the society is generally healthy. From the first point of perspective, it is believed that everyone is responsible for their

health

, which I completely agree

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with.

show examples

Nowadays, there

are

Change the verb form

show examples

so much information you can find whether in books or even social

medias

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media

show examples

such

as Instagram

Correct your spelling

Tiktok, where fitness,

nutritionist

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nutritionists

show examples

dieticionists

Correct word choice

and dieticionists

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are a big thing. That means

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

everyone has access to information

wheter

Correct your spelling

whether

it is about eating healthy, losing weight, toning,

gaing

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gaining

gain

gaming

muscles, making

protein

Add an article

a protein

show examples

shake

Fix the agreement mistake

shakes

show examples

, smoothie or even what type of tea to drink for better sleep.

Correct your spelling

The

show examples

point is

although

the information is open and public to everyone, not all

people

take these measures to improve their lifestyle and their habits.

This

leads to a point that

people

have free will and it is completely up to them in what

lfestyle

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

to engage in. If one is curious and

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

Correct article usage

the

show examples

discipline and motivation to better their

health

and well-being, it is in their hands. Another perspective is that

government

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the government

show examples

is responsible for the

individualts'

Correct your spelling

individual's

health

and I think, it makes sense to some

extend

Replace the word

extent

show examples

because the system

such

as healthcare is majorly impacted by

government's

Correct article usage

the government's

show examples

influence.

Thus

, the

government

should make sure that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

healthcare services

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are

show examples

available or

affordabe

Correct your spelling

affordable

general

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the general

show examples

public so that it does not seem like a luxury but

basic

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a basic

show examples

human right. Even, rules on banning electronic

cigarattes

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cigarettes

or increasing the price

helps

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help

show examples

with the prevention

with

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show examples

a high number of smokers and Hong Kong is a good example of that. The statistics show that there has been a decline in

number

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a number

the number

show examples

of smokers these years

complared

Correct your spelling

compared

to the past years. Another thing is the public gym

equipments

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equipment

types of equipment

pieces of equipment

show examples

that

encourage

Correct subject-verb agreement

encourages

show examples

adults and kids to go out for

Remove the article

apply

show examples

fresh air and make use of these exercises. Placing them in parks is

such

a brilliant idea that

Correct article usage

the HK

show examples

government

implemented. Even seeing

people

Change preposition

apply

show examples

old

people

makes

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

passing by individuals

inspire

Verb problem

apply

show examples

and reflect on their habits. The

accessibilty

Correct your spelling

accessibility

comfortbility

Correct your spelling

comfortability

and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

safety of hikes

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are

show examples

another big thing that can be done by the

government

. When

such

resources are available, it makes for individuals in society to take care of their

health

easily. In my opinion, the perfect example is the combination of both, the individual's effort and will to try and take care of their

health

as well as

Correct your spelling

the

show examples

goverment's

Correct your spelling

government's

effort and emphasis

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show examples

healthcare by providing a good system and accessible

infrastrucute

Correct your spelling

infrastructure

Although

Correct word choice

However

show examples

Change the preposition

show examples

the end, it is up to a person to make use of

such

benefits or just ignore

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

Submitted by asllchkied on Mon Feb 26 2024

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Task Achievement

Enhance the overall structure by providing a clearer thesis statement in the introduction, outlining the main arguments. This will help readers understand the essay's direction from the beginning.

Coherence & Cohesion

Introduce topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly present the main idea, followed by supporting sentences. This will improve the logical flow and coherence of your essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

Avoid spelling and grammatical errors by proofreading your essay. For instance, correct phrases like 'the government plays major role' to 'the government plays a major role'. Attention to detail will enhance your essay's quality.

General

Incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate your linguistic range. This can make your argument more compelling and engaging to read.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
51Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

464 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

preventive healthcare
public health infrastructure
health literacy
wellness programs
fiscal policies
lifestyle diseases
universal healthcare
regulatory frameworks
socio-economic determinants of health
holistic health approach

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Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health, others believe that government should make sure that their are healthy.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

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In some countries owing a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case.? Do you think it is a positive or negative development.