Some people think it is more important to provide parks and sports facilities than to provide shopping centers in these new town for people to spend their free time. To what extent doo you agree or disagree?

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There are who
people
Use synonyms
Add a missing verb
are concern
show examples
concern
Wrong verb form
concerned
show examples
it is
significanly
Correct your spelling
significant
significantly
to provide
parks
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and
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
areas
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
of built mall
areas
Use synonyms
in new
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
for
people
Use synonyms
spend
Fix the infinitive
to spend
show examples
their
relax
Replace the word
relaxing
show examples
time. In my
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
, I agree with
this
Linking Words
statement because it will help
people
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not only have a
relax
Change the verb form
relaxing
show examples
time but
also
Linking Words
have a
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
life and economical. Establishing
parks
Use synonyms
and
sports
Use synonyms
areas
Use synonyms
will be the best ever plan for a better
relax
Replace the word
relaxing
show examples
time for
people
Use synonyms
.
Parks
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and
sports
Use synonyms
will be green and
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
space
Fix the agreement mistake
spaces
show examples
for
people
Use synonyms
to find a
peace
Replace the word
peaceful
show examples
and calm place after they have a busy day. They will spend half of the day with something different
with before
Change preposition
from
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
what they
show examples
do in daily life.
For example
Linking Words
, if they have many
sports
Use synonyms
and
Use synonyms
parks
Fix the agreement mistake
park
show examples
areas
Use synonyms
they will
strolling
Wrong verb form
stroll
show examples
around the park and
make
Verb problem
do
show examples
a little
exerice
Correct your spelling
exercise
so they will reduce the
strees
Correct your spelling
stress
get from work.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Parks
Use synonyms
and
sports
Use synonyms
areas
Use synonyms
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
economical rather
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
a shopping
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
. If they go to
shopping
Correct article usage
a shopping
show examples
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
tend to spend a lot of money and make they
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
more
strees
Correct your spelling
stressed
because they will
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
buy what they want not
they
Correct pronoun usage
what they
show examples
need.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
with
strees
Correct your spelling
stress
from work will think they have to reward themselves as
achievment
Correct your spelling
achievement
so they will
over buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
and forget to save their money.
To sum up
Linking Words
, developing
parks
Use synonyms
and
sports
Use synonyms
areas
Use synonyms
is a good choice because it is beneficial to help
people
Use synonyms
have a
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
life and
also
Linking Words
it is economical.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on refining your essay structure. Develop a clear and concise introduction that outlines your argument, followed by well-structured paragraphs each dedicated to a specific point, and conclude with a summary of your views.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the coherence of your essay by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. This will help your essay flow better and make your arguments easier to follow.
task achievement
Ensure your essay fully addresses the prompt. Expand on your points by providing more detailed examples and explanations. Your response should clearly communicate your position and the reasoning behind it.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity. Varied sentence structures and accurate grammar can significantly impact the readability and professionalism of your essay.
task achievement
Try to include real-life examples or statistical evidence to support your points. This will make your arguments more persuasive and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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