IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people’s #lives
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The main vital purpose of
science
 should be to enhance society's lives,
while
 many
people
feel
Verb problem
find it
show examples
 difficult to obtain the right
education
 and
science
 is not the only one to fulfil
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
. I totally disagree scientific development will help
people
's lives.
Science
 is very important to our
life
 and many argue, that it should be a priority in managing the country. A lot of inventions in our environment are beneficial either for short uses or for long uses.
For instance
, scientists who find a lamp for lighting our homes, even our city. When the dark comes, a lamp is the one that can help us to see
life
.
Furthermore
, scientists
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
find the transportation to help us move from one place to another.
Otherwise
, A lot of
people
 who live in a rural area
just
Change preposition
with just
show examples
 a little bit of community could reach the
education
. Going to school to get knowledge is extremely necessary for increasing a great
life
.
However
, the government should pay attention to
education
 first rather than
science
. The two of these have the same tiers for making a better
life
.
For example
,
people
 who live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
suburban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 can not afford
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
due to
 many
obstacle
Change to a plural noun
obstacles
show examples
 to
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to school, but when the minister
finished
Wrong verb form
finishes
show examples
 that problem, everyone can get their right
for getting
Change preposition
to get
show examples
education
Add an article
an education
show examples
.
Then
, when a person who
educated
Add a missing verb
is educated
show examples
 well will help their own relatives for
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
life
. In conclusion,
science
 is a key but
education
 is the door for everyone to improve
people
's lives. Both of them have the same vital role,
hence
 the government should make a similar level of priority in a country.
Submitted by Dedeways244 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Focus on clearly presenting your opinion throughout the essay to maintain a consistent stance towards the topic. This helps in achieving a complete response to the task.
Task Achievement
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and provide clearer, more direct evidence to support your arguments. This increases the relevance and specificity of your examples and strengthens your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
To maintain logical structure, make clear connections between your ideas using transition words and topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This enhances the flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Include an introduction and a conclusion that clearly state your thesis and summarize your main points. This contributes to a comprehensive and rounded argument.
Task Achievement
Provide more detailed examples to support your points. Specific, real-world examples can significantly strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing and relevant.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: