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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of university graduates in Canada from 1992 to 2007.

The graph below shows the number of university graduates in Canada from 1992 to 2007.
#university #graduates #canada
The line graph shows
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
information regarding the
number
 of people that graduated from
university
 in Canada
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1992 to 2007.
Overall
, it can be seen that both
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 and
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 have similar
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
show examples
 until the end of
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
.
To begin
 with, males began with 70.000 individuals
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 passed their education in the
university
.
Then
, it was followed by a fluctuation from 1994 to 2000.
However
,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of male graduates
standed
Correct your spelling
stood
show examples
from
Change preposition
at
show examples
 70.000 to 80.000 for 7 years.
Next,
in 2002, there
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 a dramatic increase in the
number
 of males that graduated from
university
.
In addition
, male graduates reached the highest at over 90.000 people.
Whereas
, women graduates stand at 100.000 people. Next. there
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 a gradual gain in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
female
Change to a plural noun
females
show examples
 that passed their education
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
university
Add an article
a university
show examples
 in 1994.
However
, the
number
 of
gradutes
Correct your spelling
graduates
 significantly declined during 4 years.
Then
, there
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 a dramatic gain in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of female that
compeleted
Correct your spelling
completed
 their education in
university
 until the end of
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
.
Additionally
, the
number
 of female
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduates
show examples
 attained its peak of highest
number
 namely over 140.000 in 2006.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, university with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 7 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stand" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 2 times.
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