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Band 4.5

The education of young people is the main priority in countries around the world. Some people believe that educating adults who cannot read or write is essential for the society and more funding should be made available for it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#education #people #priority #countries #world #adults #society
Many are of the opinion that the official
education
 for
school aged
Add a hyphen
school-aged
show examples
 students should be prioritised at the
government
 level,
while
 others believe that providing additional teaching for adults with illiteracy is more
impotant
Correct your spelling
important
 for society.
However
, I am largely in agreement with the former opinion
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
 early learning
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 may result in individuals being fundamentally educated including reading and writing to socially function. Those in favour of allocating greater
government's
Change noun form
government
show examples
 funding to develop the
education
system
 for adults
points
Change the verb form
point
show examples
 out that there are still a number of
people
 who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not able to read and write in their languages. To be more specific, in the previous generation, young
people
 might not be able to attend their
school
 classes
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many different reasons,
such
 as they need to work
instead
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty or their
genders
Fix the agreement mistake
gender
show examples
 to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their families' necessities.
Hence
, today, some of the elderly might feel challenged to develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
daily basis skills
such
 as reading and writing.
With
Change preposition
For
show examples
this
 reason, to fill
this
 gap,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 has been expanded their social support to increase the capabilities of
people
 who experiencing
theses
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these
show examples
 issues by providing extra community-based programmes. To reinforce the previous viewpoint, other groups of
people
 assert that
Correct article usage
the governement
show examples
governement
Correct your spelling
government
 should focus
to develop
Change preposition
on developing
show examples
 and maintain
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
official
education
curriculums
Correct the article-noun agreement
curriculum
show examples
 for young
people
 as
this
 will contribute students to
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 more educated
while
 they are still in the learning
system
. A salient example of
this
 view would be that
Government
 should increase the
accessbility
Correct your spelling
accessibility
 to the primary
education
 institutions
such
 as
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 to include all aged
school
 peers by reducing or excluding the
school
 tuition fees which might be helpful for
people
 who are in socially vuluranable situations for
aslyum
Correct your spelling
asylum
 seekers or refugees in society.
This
 will lead students to learn what they have to know in their
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
 group
such
 as languages,
sceintific
Correct your spelling
scientific
 information, and mathematics.
Therefore
, youngsters may be
equippted
Correct your spelling
equipped
 with the appropriate knowledge and
survive
Replace the word
survival
show examples
 skills being in the
government-guieded
Correct your spelling
government-guided
education
system
. In conclusion,
although
 there are some
people
 who need the learning class for languages,
government
fundings
Fix the agreement mistake
funding
show examples
 should be invested to
expend
Correct your spelling
expand
show examples
 the accessibilities of
primary
Add an article
the primary
show examples
education
system
 to include every young person.
Submitted by yeseulyou92 on

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task achievement
Try to clearly introduce your standpoint in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion for a stronger, more persuasive argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific and varied examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by detailed explanations or examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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