In some places old age is valued, while in other cultures, youth is considered more important.Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is believed that the old communities are the significant
one
in some places, Correct pronoun usage
ones
while
in other ethnic group
, Change the wording
another ethnic group
other ethnic groups
youth
is deemed to be more valuable. This
essay believed that the youngster should be valued rather than stressing on the classics.
It must be recognized that in some countries, people
prefer the elder
Correct your spelling
older
one
contributing to the important jobs. Correct pronoun usage
ones
This
belief is based on the fact that the old person often gives the
wiser choices than the younger one, so they usually be Correct article usage
apply
chose
for proper Wrong verb form
chosen
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
such
as general directors or doctors. Moreover
, by giving these people
such
jobs, they will be more trustful
than the Correct word choice
trustworthy
youth
, as they will do it more carefully and more precise
.
Change the word
precisely
Conversely
, it should be considered that many cultures also
put youngsters into their primary occupations because they will have the confidence and enthusiasm to do such
positions. Furthermore
, by relying on the adolescences
, they will have the appropriate creativity to do the job. For Replace the word
adolescents
instances
, many high-quality vacancies are being possessed by youngsters nowadays.
The writer of Fix the agreement mistake
instance
this
essay argues that we should put our trust mainly on the youth
as they can be very careful and hospitality when giving them important jobs. Besides
, the youth
can adapt flexibly to the innovative ideas, which are put forward by firms and governments. In short, those countries which have a greater population of young people
would naturally have enough opportunities to develop both socially and economically.
In conclusion, though there are utilitarian reasons to support elder movements, it is more important and principled to value younger people
. This
is already done in some cultures but should be more widespread.Submitted by khoi11nk11e on
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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly outlines the scope of the discussion and states your position. While your introduction begins to address this, consider refining it to more explicitly state the two opposing viewpoints and your stance.
task achievement
Support your arguments with more specific examples and evidence. While you mention general trends and make assertions, incorporating detailed examples can strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of ideas within and between paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases to improve cohesion. Although the paragraphs are arranged logically, transitions can be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a clear distinction between paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea or argument. The structure you have is acceptable, but clearer topic sentences could enhance clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Revise and edit for grammatical accuracy and range of vocabulary. While your essay demonstrates a good level of English, there are areas where grammatical mistakes and limited vocabulary range impact the clarity and persuasiveness of your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.