IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some places old age is valued while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In some sites,
elderliness
Use synonyms
 is appreciated,
whereas
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 in other cultures younger
generation
Use synonyms
 is deliberated more crucial.
This
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 essay will
argure
Correct your spelling
argue
 both sides and I personally believe that
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
generation
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 may have a special place in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern society. On the one hand, it is undeniable
to admit
Verb problem
apply
show examples
that
elderlies
Fix the agreement mistake
the elderly
show examples
 play an
indispendable
Correct your spelling
important
 role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. They
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not only have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 long time to deal with their particular jobs but
also
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have myriad experiences
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their field. It can be easy to explain that after many times they have gotten problems, they can have the moral lessons so that many companies always hold and respect the
elderliness
Use synonyms
 in the higher position because they have a wide range of knowledge and experiences so many people trust for their responsibility and ability.
On the other hand
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, with the development of technology,
youngsters
Use synonyms
 can easily approach and access that without confusion and embarrassment.
Although
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 they do not have enough experience, they may have adequate knowledge or more than the older
generation
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. Approaching technologies early is the benefit to face and tackle with the modern 4.0 era.
For example
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, many workplaces
starts
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start
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 using technologies to reduce and cut down some unnecessarities so they need
youngsters
Use synonyms
 who study and have the knowledge about operating the technologies may be prominent. I personally agree that
youngsters
Use synonyms
 hold
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 special position as old age.
However
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, with the rapid development nowadays, having computer
skill
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skills
show examples
 or skills relevant to utilizing technology is crucial so
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
 may have more
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 than
elderliness
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.
Hence
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, if both of them can coordinate together, it can be the perfect combination to make
the
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apply
show examples
society become better and better. In conclusion, both
elderliness
Use synonyms
 and
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 are worth being esteemed.
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However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
youngsters
Use synonyms
 tend to hold
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 special position in
this
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 technological era.

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve Coherence and Cohesion, consider organizing your paragraphs more clearly. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, followed by supporting details or examples. Add transition words to guide the reader through your argument smoothly.
Task Response
For Task Response, ensure you are answering all parts of the question fully. Your opinion is clear, but make sure to discuss both views thoroughly before stating your opinion. Strengthening your opinion with more specific examples can also help.
General Writing Improvement
In general, work on refining your introduction and conclusion. Both should clearly state the topic and your position. The conclusion should briefly summarize the views discussed and restate your opinion.
General Writing Improvement
Pay attention to repetition in your vocabulary and structure. Try to vary your language more to avoid repeating the same phrases, which can enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • repositories of knowledge
  • esteemed
  • insights
  • embedded
  • seeking advice
  • prioritizing
  • premium on innovation
  • dynamism
  • adaptability
  • technological advancements
  • entrepreneurs
  • pioneers
  • indispensable
  • stability
  • harmonious
  • progressive
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