IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, older people who need employment have to compete with younger people. What problem does this cause and what are the solutions.

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Introduction
The older
people
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 need employment but more
compation
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companion
competition
compassion
 with young that because
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 thinks that know about the
position
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 of the job more than the old
people
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 because
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do not
donot
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not
 know about anything in
this
Linking Words
 life
that is
Linking Words
 from the young
people
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 thinks
Body paragraph 1
In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will discuss the
problem
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 and
solution
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 in
this
Linking Words
 essay
Body paragraph 2
Firstly
Linking Words
 there are
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lots
alots
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a lot
 of
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Add an article
the problem
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 first is the old
people
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 must compete with young
people
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for example
Linking Words
 : the old
people
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compation
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competition
 with young
people
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 about
the
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a
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position
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 in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 private company the young
people
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 is coming manger and the older
people
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 is under that
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problem
proplem
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problem
 because the
manger
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manager
show examples
donot
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do not
 care about the old
people
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 so there will not polite with them
peolpe
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people
that is
Linking Words
 a
problem
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Body paragraph 3
I hope in the future there will
have
Verb problem
be
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 a
solution
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of
Change preposition
to
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this
Linking Words
problem
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muybe
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maybe
may be
 the
people
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 will change Brian,
Body paragraph 4
There is a
solution
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for
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to
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this
Linking Words
problem
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 , the
youngman
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young man
 should give the old
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people
peolpe
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people
 area because
this
Linking Words
 person is
Same
Correct article usage
the Same
show examples
Correct your spelling
their
thier
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their
 parents age , it is important to polite and help them and
muybe
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maybe
 there will win and
got
Wrong verb form
get
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 the
position
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that is
Linking Words
 fine ,they
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do not
donot
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do not
 care about if the life because the employment
arenot
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are not
 every time ,
threre
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there
 will retire and miss the job but the reputation good and there will remember
thier
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their
 friend and
that is
Linking Words
 the life
Conclusion
To sum
the
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up the
show examples
 main point is sometimes
the
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apply
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young
people
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 are not polite with
a
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apply
show examples
old
people
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 , so it is bad so the
solution
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 is important to be polite , and the
position
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isnnot
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is not
isn't
 every time there will be
retir
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retired
 , in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
opinion,
show examples
 the young male will polite with old man

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Logical Structure
Focus on structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. In your introduction, directly address the topic and outline your main ideas. Each body paragraph should discuss one main idea, supported by examples or explanations. Finally, your conclusion should summarize your arguments and restate your position.
Introduction & Conclusion Presence
Make an effort to transition smoothly between sentences and paragraphs. Use linking words (e.g., however, therefore, in addition) to help the reader follow your argument. This will also help you organize your thoughts more clearly.
Supported Main Points
Develop your points more fully with specific, detailed examples. Instead of general statements, illustrate your claims with concrete instances or hypothetical scenarios related to the employment challenges older people face.
Complete Response
Ensure your response directly addresses all parts of the task. It's important to discuss both the problems and the solutions related to older people competing with younger people for employment. Offer a balanced perspective by dedicating a similar amount of text to each.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Strive for clarity in your ideas and expressions. Break down your arguments into clear, comprehensible points. Avoid overly complex sentences that may confuse the reader. Simplicity and clarity will greatly aid your reader's understanding.
Relevant & Specific Examples
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to support your arguments. These examples help illustrate your points and make your essay more convincing. They demonstrate your understanding of the topic and enrich your overall argument.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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