Nowadays, older people who need employment have to compete with younger people. What problem does this cause and what are the solutions.

4.0 / 9

Band scoreView breakdown ↓

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →

Introduction

The older

people

Use synonyms

need employment but more

compation

Correct your spelling

companion

competition

compassion

with young that because

the

Correct your spelling

they

show examples

thinks that know about the

position

Use synonyms

of the job more than the old

people

Use synonyms

because

Correct your spelling

do not

donot

Correct your spelling

not

know about anything in

this

Linking Words

life

that is

Linking Words

from the young

people

Use synonyms

thinks

Body paragraph 1

this

Linking Words

essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

I will discuss the

problem

Use synonyms

and

solution

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

essay

Body paragraph 2

Firstly

Linking Words

there are

Correct your spelling

lots

alots

Correct your spelling

a lot

Use synonyms

Add an article

the problem

show examples

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

first is the old

people

Use synonyms

must compete with young

people

Use synonyms

for example

Linking Words

: the old

people

Use synonyms

compation

Correct your spelling

competition

with young

people

Use synonyms

about

the

Correct article usage

show examples

position

Use synonyms

the

Correct article usage

show examples

private company the young

people

Use synonyms

is coming manger and the older

people

Use synonyms

is under that

Correct your spelling

problem

proplem

Correct your spelling

problem

because the

manger

Correct your spelling

manager

show examples

donot

Correct your spelling

do not

care about the old

people

Use synonyms

so there will not polite with them

peolpe

Correct your spelling

people

that is

Linking Words

problem

Use synonyms

Body paragraph 3

I hope in the future there will

have

Verb problem

show examples

solution

Use synonyms

Change preposition

show examples

this

Linking Words

problem

Use synonyms

muybe

Correct your spelling

maybe

may be

the

people

Use synonyms

will change Brian,

Body paragraph 4

There is a

solution

Use synonyms

for

Change preposition

show examples

this

Linking Words

problem

Use synonyms

, the

youngman

Correct your spelling

young man

should give the old

Correct your spelling

people

peolpe

Correct your spelling

people

area because

this

Linking Words

person is

Same

Correct article usage

the Same

show examples

Correct your spelling

their

thier

Correct your spelling

their

parents age , it is important to polite and help them and

muybe

Correct your spelling

maybe

there will win and

got

Wrong verb form

get

show examples

the

position

Use synonyms

that is

Linking Words

fine ,they

Correct your spelling

do not

donot

Correct your spelling

do not

care about if the life because the employment

arenot

Correct your spelling

are not

every time ,

threre

Correct your spelling

there

will retire and miss the job but the reputation good and there will remember

thier

Correct your spelling

their

friend and

that is

Linking Words

the life

Conclusion

To sum

the

Change preposition

up the

show examples

main point is sometimes

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young

people

Use synonyms

are not polite with

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

old

people

Use synonyms

, so it is bad so the

solution

Use synonyms

is important to be polite , and the

position

Use synonyms

isnnot

Correct your spelling

is not

isn't

every time there will be

retir

Correct your spelling

retired

, in my

opinion

Add the comma(s)

opinion,

show examples

the young male will polite with old man

nawafalruwaili363

Feb 26, 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Logical Structure

Focus on structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. In your introduction, directly address the topic and outline your main ideas. Each body paragraph should discuss one main idea, supported by examples or explanations. Finally, your conclusion should summarize your arguments and restate your position.

Introduction & Conclusion Presence

Make an effort to transition smoothly between sentences and paragraphs. Use linking words (e.g., however, therefore, in addition) to help the reader follow your argument. This will also help you organize your thoughts more clearly.

Supported Main Points

Develop your points more fully with specific, detailed examples. Instead of general statements, illustrate your claims with concrete instances or hypothetical scenarios related to the employment challenges older people face.

Complete Response

Ensure your response directly addresses all parts of the task. It's important to discuss both the problems and the solutions related to older people competing with younger people for employment. Offer a balanced perspective by dedicating a similar amount of text to each.

Clear & Comprehensive Ideas

Strive for clarity in your ideas and expressions. Break down your arguments into clear, comprehensible points. Avoid overly complex sentences that may confuse the reader. Simplicity and clarity will greatly aid your reader's understanding.

Relevant & Specific Examples

Incorporate relevant, specific examples to support your arguments. These examples help illustrate your points and make your essay more convincing. They demonstrate your understanding of the topic and enrich your overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
40
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

4.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

6 paragraphs

276 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
What are advantages and disadvantages of leaving your country to live and study aboard?
In recent times, an increasing number of individuals are opting to pursue their studies in popular countries such as Australia, Canada, and the United States of America. This trend is driven by the perceived advantages of international education, which includes a practical learning environment and enhanced preparation for entering the workforce in one's chosen field. However, like any major decision, leaving one's home country for education comes with its own set of pros and cons.
6.5
band
you have just read an article in a national newspapaer which claims that town centres in your country all look very similar to each other. You don’t fully agree with this opinion. •Write a letter to the editor of the newspapaer. In your letter •Say which points in the article you agree with •Explain ways in which your town centre is different from most other town centres •Offer to give a guided tour of your town to the writer of article
I am writing in response to your recent article titled "The Homogenisation of Town Centres Across the Country." While I acknowledge the author’s observation that many town centres exhibit similar characteristics, I believe the conclusion oversimplifies the diversity that still exists in these urban spaces.
6.5
band
Some people think that completing university education is the best way to get a good job. Others, however, think experience and soft skills are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. what can be the ideas?
It has become a debatable concern whether academic degrees are a superior method of getting higher-wage jobs or whether practical experiences have an edge over formal education. In my opinion, both have specific logic as it depends on the industry and which quality would be suitable for hiring at the workplace. This essay will discuss both views and elaborate on my view as well.
6.5
band
Prison is the comman way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people a better education. Do you agree or disagree?
In this day and age, crime rates have surged dramatically and committing misdeeds also has become so normal for offenders in most countries. It is argued that confinement is one of the best measures for guilt to resolve the issue. While others believe that ensuring a quality education to inmates is a great option. I completely agree with this thought and believe that providing ample amount of education, support and vocational training along with imprisonment prevents the criminal from committing the crime in future and afterwards helps the offender to be a responsible citizen.
7.5
band
In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?
In some countries, there is a growing interest among people in tracing the history of their homes.I think they research this for many reasons, perhaps out of interest, or to find a sense of connection. For help with finding answers, they should turn to the seniors in their neighbourhoods.

Nowadays, older people who need employment have to compete with younger people. What problem does this cause and what are the solutions.

What are advantages and disadvantages of leaving your country to live and study aboard?

Some people think that completing university education is the best way to get a good job. Others, however, think experience and soft skills are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. what can be the ideas?

Prison is the comman way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people a better education. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?