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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

#1 A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that the benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks?

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Introduction
Although
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 there are problems associated with
tourism
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, in my opinion, there are many positive outcomes of
tourism
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.
Body paragraph 1
Tourism
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 provides highly profitable employment opportunities to people in many poor countries,
for example
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, Nepal, Tanzania, and Guatemala considering their currency rates.
In addition
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,
tourism
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 introduces the tasty cuisines to local communities of that visited country.
For instance
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, in Los Angeles, there are a lot of authentic Spanish restaurants that bring appetizing Hispanic dishes.
Moreover
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, travellers from other countries can mingle with locals very easily by learning basic expressions.
For example
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, non-English speaking Chinese
tourists
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 can use some user-friendly translator services to manage talking to English speakers for day-to-day basic activities like ordering food.
Body paragraph 2
The influx of
tourists
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 in many popular destinations causes nightmares to some government authorities with city management.
Firstly
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, traffic congestion arises as too many tourist vehicles occupy the roads during peak travel hours. So
this
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 causes city councils to employ more patrols.
Secondly
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,
due to
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 a lot of
tourists
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 crossing borders, it’s hard for immigration officers to investigate each and every traveller.
Due to
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 a lack of time and staff during security checks, some people with the intention of causing harm can enter the country.
Additionally
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, many peaceful places where people go for de-stressing can get crowded and the peaceful nature of that place is spoiled
such
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 as Machu Picchu in Peru which is always crowded with
tourists
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the positive aspects of
tourism
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 in terms of employment opportunities and cultural adaptation outweigh all the negative aspects in relation to traffic congestion, public security, and serenity of a popular destination.

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task achievement
Expand on your examples by providing more in-depth analysis or data to support your points. While you've used examples effectively, a deeper exploration of these examples could enhance the argument and provide a more persuasive essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and using transitions more effectively to improve the flow of ideas. While your essay has a good structure, using a wider range of sentence types and connective phrases can make the text more engaging and cohesive.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, clearly outline your main points in the introduction and ensure each body paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Use topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
For a higher score, work on developing a more nuanced thesis statement that acknowledges the complexity of the issue. This will allow for a richer exploration of the topic throughout your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable tourism
  • ecotourism
  • heritage sites
  • hospitality industry
  • tourist influx
  • cultural commodification
  • ecological footprint
  • economic diversification
  • carrying capacity
  • cultural sensitivity
  • destination marketing
  • travel advisories
  • visitor management
  • impact assessment
  • tourism revenues
  • authentic experience
  • visitor satisfaction
  • conservation efforts
  • seasonal fluctuation
  • social sustainability
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