IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.   Discuss both those views and give your own opinion.

#countries #children #work #people #responsibility
I strongly disagree with putting
children
 into paid
work
. There are a lot of disadvantages to
this
 kind of nature and I will give you two reasons. First of all, they are easily exploited. Most of them, if not all, do not know their rights as a worker. They might be given longer
work
 hours for lower pay.
Second,
senior coworkers will abuse them
while
 at
work
. These abuses can be scarring and can lead to trauma in their life later on. I do understand why some people would agree to put them into paid labour. It may be because these
children
 can learn a skill that can be beneficial for them in their adulthood. Let’s say they
work
 in the fishing sector, these
children
 can learn how to swim fast and can tell which fish can be eaten or not. Another reason why people agree on it is because they may learn how to manage their time well. Time management is an important skill that everyone should learn. When these
children
work
, they will value deadlines. In conclusion,
children
 who are put into paid
work
 can have both advantages and disadvantages.
While
 there are countries that normalize
this
, there are
also
 countries that see
this
 as against the law. As for my own opinion, I do not support it at all.
Children
 should play. They should learn how to have fun.
Submitted by caroloks on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure of your arguments by introducing clearer, more sequenced paragraphs that transition smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure an introduction and conclusion are present, but also work on making the introduction outline your key points more clearly and your conclusion to summarize and reassert your main argument coherently.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with more detailed examples or evidence. Instead of general statements, provide specific instances or more elaborated reasoning to back up your claims.
task achievement
To achieve a complete response to the task, make sure to address all parts of the prompt thoroughly. This includes discussing both views and your own opinion comprehensively.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your ideas further to better address the task. Aim for comprehensive explanations of your points that directly engage with the essay question.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. This adds credibility to your argument and makes your essay more engaging and informative.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child labor
  • Exploitation
  • Minimum age
  • Work experience
  • Survival
  • Taking responsibility
  • Education
  • Poverty
  • Legal restrictions
  • Physical toll
  • Psychological impact
  • Cultural perceptions
  • International conventions
  • Economic impact
  • Work-study programs
  • Skilled labor
  • Unskilled labor
  • Developing economies
  • Moral implications
  • Professional development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: