Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
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The enhancement of technology
were
already changed human behaviour. In Verb problem
has
this
day and age, people
tend to depend on computer technology rather than before, for example
, to communicate, to buy medicines
, or to use transport. Some argue that this
condition has built
a dangerous situation. In my view, I, firmly disagree with that statement because of the many advantages that we have if we reliance ourself Verb problem
created
with
these systems.
Change preposition
on
To begin
with, every day people
are using public transport to go to work, whereas
they have to bring the
card to tap on the machine to get into the vehicles. Correct article usage
a
However
, somehow many people
forget to bring the card, then
they have to get back to their home, hence
, they will come late to their office. As an example, in South Korea, people
there just bring their phones and tap the phones on the systems, then
they can enter any transportation. As a result
, South Korea became the number one country with a few people
getting late to the office.
Secondly
, the advances in medicine applications were very useful if we got sick. We were often diagnosed with cough and flu and we were not going to the hospital just staying in bed. Moreover
, those apps make it easy because we can order the medicines
through an app, then
they drop the medicines
at our house and they also
have a history section of what we have bought in case we forgot. As an example, another day we got the same symptoms as before, thus
we just looked back at the history on the app and re-order again.
To sum up
, the rapid change of
technology has made everything easier than before, including transport systems, Change preposition
in
medicines
, and communications. Although
, we have to know how to use it wisely and properly.Submitted by anjanadmr on
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Vocabulary
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and avoid repetition. For instance, instead of using 'reliance' repeatedly, you could use synonyms like 'dependency' or 'dependence'.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, make transitions between paragraphs smoother by using linking words effectively. For example, instead of abruptly starting a new paragraph, you could use phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition to' to introduce your next point.
Task Achievement
Ensure your essay is fully addressing the task by considering both sides of the argument, even if you strongly agree or disagree. You can strengthen your argument by acknowledging counterarguments and refuting them appropriately.
Grammar
To enhance your grammar range and accuracy, pay attention to verb tenses and subject-verb agreement. For instance, 'The enhancement of technology were already changed human behaviour' should be corrected to 'The enhancement of technology has already changed human behaviour'.
Task Achievement
When providing examples or evidence to support your points, try to elaborate on why these examples are relevant and how they support your argument. This will help in achieving a more complete and persuasive response.
