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One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#consequences #care #people #life #expectancy #development
Since the medical care
system
 has made significant progress in the
last
 decades,
people
 nowadays get older.
While
this
 can be seen as a clear benefit on a personal view, it causes huge problems on a global view. That’s why I think that the benefits of a higher
life
 expectancy do not outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, an advantage of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
longer
life
 and better medical care is that
people
 can spend more time with their loved ones without being in pain. As it is possible to treat illnesses
Change preposition
in the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 way, that they don’t affect the patient’s
life
 anymore.
For example
, even a few years ago a lot of
people
 died having a heart attack. With the increased medical
possibilities
Add a comma
possibilities,
show examples
this
 isn’t the case anymore.
As a result
,
people
 can overcome illnesses that
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 deadly.
On the other hand
, the global impact a longer
life
 expectancy has is huge.
This
 can be seen by the fact that a longer
life
 of individuals means a higher population on planet
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
.
For instance
, we already have about 8 billion inhabitants and
this
 number is increasing steadily.
Consequently
, we’ll not have enough resources to gain food and water for
such
 a high number of individuals.
Furthermore
, a longer
life
 period
also
 causes higher costs for the medical care
system
.
Reason
Correct article usage
The reason
show examples
 for
that is
 that more resources are needed to keep
people
 healthy and alive. To illustrate, for the prevention of a heart attack the patient gets a variety of pills to decrease his blood pressure.
This
 medication is expensive.
Accordingly
, we will need more and more young
people
 to finance the medical
system
, or the
system
 must be changed.
Submitted by aiforeducation2023 on

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task response
Expand on the advantages of longer life expectancy in more detail, providing equal development to both sides of the argument to fully answer the question.
coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas more clearly and use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your essay. This will enhance the reader's ability to follow your argument.
task response
Work on developing a balanced argument by discussing both sides equally and considering the implications more deeply. This will create a more rounded and comprehensive response to the task.
coherence and cohesion
End your essay with a clearer conclusion that summarizes your points and definitively states your position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to add complexity and interest to your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • elderly population
  • health care systems
  • pension funds
  • extended family relationships
  • quality of life
  • aging population
  • economic growth
  • volunteer work
  • expertise
  • financial planning
  • retirement
  • age-related diseases
  • medical research
  • healthier lifestyles
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