In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
Young generations should consider
an
option of Correct article usage
the
travel
or Wrong verb form
travelling
work
for one Wrong verb form
working
year
between accomplishing grade
9 and 10 and initiating university levels in more and more nations. Fix the agreement mistake
grades
This
essay will explore the pros and cons of having a break for one year
before starting higher education.
There are some benefits of taking a gap year
for students. Firstly
, this
will allow them to have more times
to have Fix the agreement mistake
time
Correct pronoun usage
their mind
mind
to be refreshed. Fix the agreement mistake
minds
In other words
, they could go to the park to do some readings or revise several lesson materials. Secondly
, because several students have a holiday, they could spend more time
with their friends or relatives by travelling to other countries or local destinations..
When spending Replace the punctuation
.
...
time
with these people, they may ask some
learning advice from Change preposition
for some
them
who have Correct pronoun usage
those
an
experience in achieving good results Correct article usage
apply
of
postgraduate or undergraduate Change preposition
in
degree
. Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
As a result
, this
may assist them to get
an idea Change preposition
in getting
on
how they can accomplish Change preposition
of
Correct article usage
a bachelor
bachelor
or Change noun form
bachelor's
master
with a high result. Change noun form
master's
Lastly
, this
could give an opportunity to do part
Add a hyphen
part-time
time
jobs like being a barista or restaurant employees
and Fix the agreement mistake
employee
this
could result in having work experience. In my own opinion, when I went to Australia last
year
, I saw the majority of students want to earn their own money by being a staff for the
coffee shop.
Correct article usage
a
However
, taking too much break
before embarking on a new journey of education could provide several disadvantages. First of all, some young ages may stay at home and do not want to go out in order to develop their active lifestyle. Fix the agreement mistake
many breaks
For example
, in Australia, many teenagers feel lazy and just want to stay at home so that they could
sleep or watch television. Wrong verb form
can
In addition
, when it comes to a long break from study, they might prefer to hang out with their friends and do
shopping on luxurious over going to different countries for exploring or doing a part-Correct your spelling
go
time
job. From my experience, many American young people are fascinated in
Change preposition
with
consuming
their Verb problem
spending
time
on
going out with their close friends only in their local regions.
In conclusion, Change preposition
apply
while
doing some work or travel could be disadvantageous for some youth, having these activities are
still advantageous Correct subject-verb agreement
is
for
Change preposition
on
daily
basis.Correct article usage
a daily
Submitted by trannhatthienthien95 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer structure. Try to have a distinct introduction, at least two body paragraphs each discussing a separate point (one for advantages, one for disadvantages), and a conclusion. This will enhance the logical flow and readability.
task achievement
In your introduction, clarify the essay topic and your position or main argument. This will make your essay's purpose clear from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to state the main idea you will discuss. This will help your reader understand what to expect and keep your essay focused.
task achievement
Try to integrate more relevant and specific examples to substantiate your points. While you have provided some examples, more detailed or specific instances can strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Be careful with off-topic content. Ensure every sentence contributes directly to addressing the essay prompt, avoiding detours or unrelated information.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and variety to enhance readability and engagement. Aim for a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to keep the reader's interest.