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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below shows the consumption of wheat, rice, maize in 4 different countries.

The table below shows the consumption of wheat, rice, maize in 4 different countries.
The table above illustrates
four
Use synonyms
 countries' consumption of
four
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 agricultural commodities namely
rice
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, wheat, and
maize
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. The
four
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 countries that are being surveyed are Cambodia, Poland, Egypt, and Mexico. Based on the data
that is
Linking Words
 shown there,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 Egyptians tend to consume much more
calories
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 per person per day, with
the
Correct article usage
a
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 total amount of around 2200
calories
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. They mainly consume wheat as much as 1095
calories
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, followed by
rice
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 and
maize
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 with the number between those two do not differ significantly.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
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 is
in contrast
Linking Words
 with what occurs in Poland where the citizens'
Use synonyms
calories
Change the noun form
calorie
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 consumption does not even reach 1000
calories
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. What is noticeable is that Polish do not set
maize
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 as their staple food at all. In fact, nobody
eat corns
Correct subject-verb agreement
eats corn
show examples
 there,
shown
Correct word choice
as shown
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 by the 0 on the table. As opposed to Poland, the residents of Mexico eat
maize
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 a lot, with up to 1083
calories
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 a person a day. It might be because of the geographical area that supports the growth of the plant incredibly.
This
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
happen
Change the verb form
happens
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 to that one country
that is
Linking Words
 part of Southeast Asia, Cambodia. Since it is tropical there and the land supports one specific commodity really well,
rice
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 becomes the most consumed food there. All in all, these
four
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 countries from different continents have their own food preference. The Egyptians and Polish much prefer wheat. Mexicans tend to eat corn,
whereas
Linking Words
Cambodian
Fix the agreement mistake
Cambodians
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 mainly eat
rice
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words four, rice, maize, calories with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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