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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is known to all that the technological and scientific advances have made great changes to the range and quality of our food. Some people regard it as an improvement while others believe that the change is harmful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

#advances #changes #range #quality #food #people #improvement #change
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Individuals have various views about whether new technological advances in
food
 are harmful or beneficial. I think that
while
 there are certain threats to the environment, the benefits of these technologies to humans outweigh the drawbacks. On one hand, critics argue that scientific advancements in agriculture, particularly the proliferation of genetically modified (
GM
) foods, pose significant risks to ecosystems.
Firstly
, the dominance of
GM
crops
 often leads to the disappearance of traditional
crops
, threatening biodiversity.
Secondly
, the resistance of
GM
crops
 to pests may disrupt essential
food
 chains.
Thirdly
, the chemicals used in
GM
crops
 can harm beneficial insects like butterflies,
further
 endangering biodiversity and ecosystems.
On the other hand
, I contend that
food
innovations
 play a crucial role in addressing
food
 shortages, particularly in regions with growing populations and limited resources. Genetic advances enable increased agricultural productivity at reduced costs, making
food
 more accessible and abundant.
Moreover
, amidst escalating international conflicts exacerbating
food
 scarcity, technological
innovations
 offer vital solutions.
Additionally
,
food
innovations
,
such
 as plant-based meat alternatives, offer consumers more choices and contribute to sustainable
food
 systems. In conclusion, despite potential threats to biodiversity, I maintain that technological and scientific progress in
food
 production is essential for addressing critical supply challenges and providing diverse options.
Overall
, the benefits of
food
innovations
 outweigh the risks, offering solutions to pressing global
food
 security issues.
Submitted by Abdullah on

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Task Achievement
To achieve a higher score in Task Achievement, ensure that your examples are not only relevant but also detailed and specific. This can further strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, consider varying your transition phrases and ensuring that paragraphs flow smoothly from one to the next. This can enhance the readability and overall cohesion of your essay.
Task Response
To fully address Task Response, ensure your position is clear throughout the essay. While you have a clear opinion, reinforcing it in the conclusion can provide a more impactful closing statement.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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