IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In some places, old is valued, while in other cultures, youth is considered more important. Dicuss both views and give your opinion.

#places #cultures #youth #dicuss
It is thought that youth is much more important than
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
.
This
 is because the world has been changing rapidly in cultures and society.
This
 author thinks the same and will discuss both views in the following paragraphs.
To begin
, people can't turn a blind eye to aged residents. By way of explanation, the elderly seem to have more experiences to pass on to their younger generations.
In Addition
, it helps younger residents to be more flexible and polite with the social.
For instance
, older generations have brought many ABCs of surviving to help children to be more independent. Continuing with the youth, it cannot be denied that
this
 generation plays a vital role in developing the social lifestyle.
This
 is because young kids have the ability to examine things efficiently and quickly.
Furthermore
, their influences affect on the social's future.
For example
, many young kids nowadays have become successful entrepreneurs, bringing thousands of innovations and inventions to citizens. Taking everything into consideration,
this
 writer thinks the younger generation is much more important because it is impossible to see a life innovation made by the elderly,
therefore
 youth takes up over 90 per cent.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
A more balanced discussion of both views will enhance the depth of your essay. Ensure that the essay equally covers the importance of both the elderly and youth, reflecting a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Task Response
Including more specific, real-world examples could significantly strengthen your arguments. Try to elaborate on your examples with more detail, illustrating how they support your viewpoint.
Improve the logical flow of your essay by using more varied and explicit linking words. This will help in creating a clearer and more coherent argument structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: