IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Culture around the world has become more similar to the other countries then it was before. State reasons, example and conclude if it is a positive or negative trend?

#culture #world #countries #trend
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Culture
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 is a way of life. It varies from
place
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 to
place
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 based on festivals, clothing, cuisine and many more factors. Over
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last
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the last
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 two decades, we have witnessed more and more
people
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 adapting to
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culture
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cultures
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 from other
countries
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 profusely for reasons varying from fascination and admiration towards a particular
culture
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, to
connect
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connecting
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 with the
people
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 around you and
to learn
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learning
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 complex cultural skills.
To Begin
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 With, we have been witnessing
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diffrent
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different
 festivals
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countries
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in countries
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 across the globe being celebrated in organisations in a particular
country
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 to give the feeling of inclusiveness to the expatriates from other
countries
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 and to connect with them in a better way.
In a
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A
show examples
 study made by Business Economic Times showed that 82
percent
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per cent
show examples
 of organisations across
US
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the US
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 had provided flexible leave options for employees to select days
inorder
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in order
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 to celebrate holidays pertaining to their
culture
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. Providing options
such
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 as the above enables expatriates to feel more comfortable and
to be
Verb problem
apply
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appreciative towards the
people
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 around them. Food and clothing
is
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are
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another
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other
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 cultural
factor
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factors
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 which have been shared among
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diffrent
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different
countries
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 nowadays. More and more restaurants and outlets from
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diffrent ccountries
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different countries
 are established in others in order to cater to the public which nowadays is a mixture of
people
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 from
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diffrent
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different
 ethnicities. The Annual Restaurant Report from
US
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the US
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highlighed
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highlighted
 that there were an average of 32-38%
indian
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Indian
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, 15-17%
italian
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Italian
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 and 23-30%
chinese
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Chinese
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resturants
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restaurants
 in any particular state across the
country
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.
However
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, there are some
statesment
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statesmen
statements
statement
 who oppose the view of cultural adaptation
in
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apply
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between
countries
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 for the reason that it would lead to losing
identity
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the identity
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 and native
culture
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 of a certain
place
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 which was put in
place
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 by their ancestors. Cultural Director of Arts Foundation , Denver published an article which stated "We have to protect our
country
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 from losing its
culture
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 to other
countries
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" which offended a lot of
people
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 in and around the
country
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.
According to
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 my perspective,
i
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I
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 feel that it is a
postive
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positive
 trend that
people
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 across the globe are willing to accept and learn
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culture
Add an article
the culture
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 of
people
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 who are from other nationalities. We can make our world a better
place
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 to live if we continue to have a shared and inclusive environment going forward.
Submitted by keerthy9209 on

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Task Achievement
Introduction and conclusion are well-defined, but the introduction could provide a clearer statement of your position. While you briefly mentioned viewpoints, a more explicit thesis statement could enhance clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents clear, comprehensive ideas, but sometimes the link between them is a bit abrupt. Transition phrases like 'Furthermore', 'Conversely', or 'As a result' can help make these transitions smoother.
Task Achievement
You’ve provided relevant examples to support your main points, which is excellent. To further improve, ensure that every example directly ties back to your main argument, reinforcing the message you want to convey.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay does maintain logical structure, working on smoother transitions and more varied sentence structures could improve the readability and flow of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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